


Bucky's Other Name

by mmjgwrites



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: BDSM, Childhood Trauma, Dom Bucky Barnes, Dom Steve Rogers, Dom/sub Undertones, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Hurt/Comfort, Hydra is evil, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Light BDSM, M/M, Multi, Psychological Trauma, Slow Burn, Smut, Stucky - Freeform, Sub Bucky Barnes, Trauma, Yasha - Freeform, smut starts in chapter seven
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-07
Updated: 2018-08-27
Packaged: 2019-05-03 08:29:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 10
Words: 28,649
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14565078
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mmjgwrites/pseuds/mmjgwrites
Summary: The Avengers' Civil War ended on a happier note. Pre-Infinity War. Steve and Bucky live in Stark Tower and are trying to figure out what their relationship is now. When a mission unveils a part of Bucky's past as Hydra's asset that he hasn't shared, that gets a lot more complicated.





	1. An Unexpected Discovery

Tony was the one who found the dungeon. 

When Agent Coulson asked him to round up a few Avengers and raid a laboratory owned by Advanced Idea Mechanics, a.k.a Hydra, he hadn’t mentioned any hidden rooms.

Tony briefed the Captain, Bucky, and Nat and on the superintelligence A.I.M. was trying to create and how many scientists and guards they should expect. They left at sundown. 

By 10 PM, Tony had called and told a relieved Coulson that A.I.M. had yet to succeed in their endeavor. Cap and Bucky were outside, Cap answering questions from the press and Bucky avoiding the memories the labs triggered.

Inside, Nat was taking her time making sure she hadn’t missed any hard drives worth cracking. Tony tried to speed up the process by looking through the rest of the facility while she worked. There was only one story above ground, a rather plain collection of offices and sterile labs. Underground, there were exam rooms that looked more like torture chambers, but they hadn’t found any “patients”, only experiments.

Tony walked from room to room, checking for anything he or Nat might want to inventory. He paced the hallway three times before he realized what was nagging him. Several of the exam rooms included two-way mirrors that connected to observation areas. Amongst all the steel and plastic of one of the observation rooms was a wooden bookshelf.

The small, plain shelf held a collection of medical journals and textbooks, but none of them seemed particularly relevant to the experiments that had been conducted in the facility. Tony opened his mask as he thumbed through one of the volumes. As he put it back on the shelf, he felt a breeze on his cheek. He looked around but there were no vents nearby, nothing to send a wisp of cold wind his way. And then he knew.

Iron Man grabbed the edges of the bookshelf and ripped it away from the wall, revealing a brick-lined wall and a set of steel stairs. He put his mask down and padded down the stairs, opening the coms as he descended.

“There’s something else down here, Nat. Wasn’t on the blueprints.”

“What is it?” 

“Hold on.” Tony reached the bottom the stairs. There were no guards or anyone else in sight, just another row of doors identical to the exam room doors above. But these rooms weren’t for examinations.

The first room held a huge bed with plush pillows and a mirror on the ceiling. The walls of the second room were lined with whips, floggers, and canes. There was a suspension contraption in the middle with enough cuffs to hold four people in place. The third room did look like an exam room, except for the storage containers filled with a variety of dildos and plugs larger than most adult stores. Another room had an inch of water on the floor and cattle prods hanging on hooks. There were twenty rooms in all.

At the end of the hall, there was a room larger than any of the others filled with bunk beds. It reminded Tony of military barracks but, instead of soldiers, there were naked women with their ankles and wrists chained to the beds.

Tony sighed. “Nat, I’m gonna need your help down here.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Chapter: Bucky is reunited with someone he thought he'd lost forever.
> 
> [Tumblr](https://mmjgregory.tumblr.com/)  
> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/mmjgwrites)  
> [Blog](https://mmjgregorywrites.wordpress.com/)


	2. Yasha

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The women Hydra used as sex slaves are being taken in for questioning. One of them recognizes Bucky.
> 
> As always, I own nothing you recognize.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some Google Russian in this chapter. Check the end notes for translations. If the translation is wrong, I'd be happy to be corrected.

Despite the dissent of Natasha and Bucky, the women were gathered together to be taken to SHIELD headquarters and interrogated. Despite their obvious captivity, Nick said there was no guarantee that the women had not been converted into true Hydra adherents.

Natasha continued to fume as the women were packed into vans normally used to transport criminals. “They were prisoners, not terrorists. They don’t need two days of questions. They need medical attention! Look at them, they’re not even putting up a fight. It’s all been beaten out of them.”

Tony and Steve nodded, though neither of them had objected to Nick’s order. Bucky turned to face the women, his gray eyes distant and unfocused. After he and Nat failed to convince Fury, he had descended into one of his familiar silences.

Nat crossed her arms but said no more as the SUVs that would take them back to Stark Tower arrived. The tense quiet shattered when a scuffle started near one of the vans.

A SHIELD agent shouted, “Hey! Stop!” as one of the women broke from the line. He grabbed her wrist, but the woman pivoted and slammed the heel of her hand into his nose, releasing a spray of blood. When the agent let go, she turned and ran toward the group of Avengers.

“I guess they haven’t lost all their fight after all,” Tony said with a smirk. Cap laughed as Natasha shifted to get a better view of the escapee. Bucky stood still, his eyes crinkled then widened and he began walking toward the woman. She was on the short side of average, curvy but slim with long dark hair that was fuzzy with knots that wanted to be curls.

As the woman came closer to Bucky, she began shouting. “Yasha! Yasha!”

“Oh my,” Natasha said, barely above a whisper.

Steve raised an eyebrow. “What’s she saying? Buck? Hey, Buck!”

If Bucky heard the Captain, he didn’t show it. His stride quickened and he raised his arms, both flesh and metal, as the woman reached him. She crashed into his chest, wrapping her body around him and nuzzling her face into his neck.

“Yasha! Yasha! Ty zhiv. Moya milaya Yasha,” she said, her voice cracking with tears.

Bucky was saying something back to her, but his voice was muffled by the curtain of her hair.

Tony watched the scene with wide eyes and a slack jaw. Natasha’s eyes went back and forth between the embracing pair and the Captain, who was wearing a combination of betrayal and confusion on his face.

Steve shook his head, trying to clear the impossible image he was seeing. His relationship with Bucky was nothing if not complicated. Even after Tony found a way to clear the trigger words of the Asset from his mind, the stilted pace at which Bucky's memories came back frustrated them both. It had only been a month since they had resumed the intimate relationship that had shared before the ice, and Bucky was still reluctant to be cuddled or held close. Yet, here he was, clinging to this strange woman like she was the one he was in love with. Steve’s grip on his shield tightened as he took a step toward the pair.

Natasha grabbed his elbow. “Steve, don’t.”

The Captain kept walking, pulling out of Natasha’s grip like she was no more than a child. He was nearly to them when Bucky released the woman. Steve started to sigh, but it caught in his throat when Bucky’s hands went to the woman's cheeks, looking like he was about to kiss her.

“Are you out of your mind?” Steve screeched, his steps halted in shock. Bucky’s eyes turned back to Steve as a SHIELD agent approached the woman and struck her leg with a riot baton. She shrieked and fell to the ground, clutching her knee.

“Come on, you crazy bitch,” the agent said before turning to Bucky. “Sorry about that, sir. I’ll take her from here.” Bucky grabbed the agent’s hand with his metal arm, crushing it until the baton fell and he heard the crunch of bones breaking. The agent howled as Bucky finally released him.

“Ana is mine. You aren’t taking her anywhere,” Bucky said. With that, he scooped Ana into his arms, asking if she was ok and whether she needed a doctor.

“YA v poryadke, Yasha,” Ana said, shaking her head and curling into his chest. Bucky turned and started walking toward the SUVs that were still waiting for the Avengers.

“What the hell, Bucky? You just broke that man's hand! Who is she?” Steve demanded as they passed him. Bucky just shook his head and marched past.

Natasha and Tony approached Steve like a wounded animal, exchanging concerned glances as they crept closer.

“What the fuck just happened?” Steve said, looking at the SUV that now held Bucky and Ana.

“Language, Cap,” Tony said with a half-smile that shriveled under the glares of both Natasha and Steve.

“What was she calling him?” Steve asked.

“Yasha,” Nat said. “I’m pretty sure it was one of Hydra’s code names for him.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cap does not like Ana. He does not like Ana at all.
> 
> Russian translations:
> 
> Ty zhiv. Moya milaya Yasha. (You're alive. My sweet Yasha.)
> 
> YA v poryadke, Yasha. (I'm ok, Yasha.)
> 
> [Tumblr](https://mmjgregory.tumblr.com/)  
> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/mmjgwrites)  
> [Blog](https://mmjgregorywrites.wordpress.com/)


	3. What Steve Can't Touch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our heroes return to Stark Tower. Bucky tells Nat a bit about Ana. Steve worries about the impact Ana will have on Bucky.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be smut. I swear it. But first, the feels. Hopefully this explains Steve's aggressive reaction to Ana a little better.
> 
> As always, I own nothing you recognize.

The ride back to Stark Tower was...awkward. Tony decided to skip the show and used his suit to fly back home, which left Steve, Natasha, Bucky, and Ana in the vehicle with one of Tony’s many drivers. 

Bucky had claimed the third row for him and the woman named Ana. They sat in the middle seat, Ana in Bucky’s lap and nuzzled into his neck like a small child. Bucky's sprawling knees left no room for someone to sit beside them.

Bucky whispered to Ana in a language Steve assumed to be Russian. The Captain let out a loud sigh, but Bucky didn’t acknowledge the noise or the slamming door that followed it.

Natasha raised an eyebrow at Steve. Jealousy did not look good on America’s golden boy. She glanced back at Bucky and Ana and couldn’t help but smile through a wince of worry. Bucky kissed Ana’s neck and shoulder and threaded his metal hand into her hair as he murmured sweet assurances that she was safe and he wouldn’t lose her again. Natasha was tempted to tell Bucky that they should buckle up, but she ignored the urge and told the driver to head home.

By the time they reached the tower, Natasha heard snores coming from the back seat. For a moment, she thought Bucky might have fallen asleep too, but his eyes opened when the SUV rolled to a stop. Steve was in the elevator before Natasha had even unbuckled. 

“Will you open my door?” Bucky asked. “I don’t want to wake her up.”

Nat nodded. “Of course.” 

Natasha waited for Bucky to inch out of the vehicle and closed the door behind him. While they waited for JARVIS to send the elevator down, she decided now was as good a time as any to ask about Ana.

“Isn’t she a bit young for you?” she asked with a smile, trying to lighten the question with humor.

Bucky raised his head from where it was buried in Ana’s hair. His eyes were soft. There was relief in his features but worry too. “Actually, no.”

Natasha didn’t think Ana looked older than thirty, but then again, neither did Steve or Bucky. “How long have you know her, Barnes?”

The elevator dinged as the doors slid open and they stepped inside. Natasha waited for Bucky to answer, but he didn’t. “Whatever her story is," Natasha continued, "she needs to see a doctor. If not tonight, tomorrow.” 

Bucky nodded.

“And not just for physical issues,” Natasha added. 

Bucky had been reluctant to trust anyone with his fractured mind when he came to live with the Avengers, but Bruce finally found someone Bucky liked enough to see once a week, and Natasha wasn’t alone in noticing how he opened up as the weeks turned into months. “That’s up to her, not me,” he said as they reached their floor. “Thanks for your help.”

Natasha watched Bucky bypass Steve’s room and go into his own rarely used room. Steve came into the hallway a moment after Bucky closed his door.

The Captain stood with his hands on his hips, head turned to look at Bucky’s closed door. He turned to go back into his own room but pivoted toward Nat when he noticed her standing by the elevator. He shook his head and raised his shoulders, every inch of him confused and fuming. “Are you ok with this? We don’t know who she is. She could be a HYDRA spy. She could be here to trigger him.”

Natasha took a breath before responding to Steve's worries. The Captain trusted her more than most, which meant she knew how strained his relationship with Bucky had been since they got back from their asinine fight with Tony. “He can’t be triggered anymore. You know that," she said. Last I checked, HYDRA spies aren’t treated like sex slaves. They didn’t know we were going there tonight. There’s no reason to think she’s anything more than a victim. And we should trust Bucky. He knows her.”

“He thinks he knows her," Steve corrected. "He’s still recovering. Even if she isn’t working for HYDRA, she could stall his healing or send him spiraling again. He’s finally making progress and she could undo all of it!”

“After you got out of the car, he asked me to open the door for him. Then, he thanked me when we got up here. Steve, he doesn’t even let any of us hand him a plate when we eat dinner together. I’m not saying this is going to be easy, but I don’t think it’s going to be bad for him. He obviously….” Natasha stopped herself from saying “loves”.

“Obviously what?” Steve said, the sharpness of a cliff in his voice.

“He obviously cares for her. Just because she’s here tonight doesn’t mean she’s here forever. One day at a time, ok?”

Steve’s eyebrows crinkled. Bucky’s therapist constantly harped on that phrase. One day at a time. It sounded good at first, but it eventually started grating Steve’s nerves. Everyone lives one day at a time. That isn’t advice. It’s a statement of fact. What he wanted to know was how many days until Bucky stopped thinking of himself as broken? How many days until he would believe Steve when he told him he was worthy of love, of feeling good? How many days until he remembered all the nights they shared? All the days?

Some of Bucky's memories were already back when Steve found him hiding in that shitty apartment after the UN bombing. Bucky remembered that they were more than friends, remembered how the sex had gotten even better after Steve became Captain America. But somehow, HYDRA had driven the love from Bucky’s mind. 

It wasn’t until after they had sex for the first time in the new century that Steve realized Bucky thought they were just friends with benefits. The drop from orgasmic high to heartbroken devastation left Steve reeling for weeks. When the therapist finally convinced Steve to tell Bucky the truth, things had gotten both better and worse. Bucky started sleeping in Steve’s room. They would stay up and Steve would try to spark Bucky’s memories with his own.

Slowly, the memories had started to return, but carefree Bucky did not. After everything he had done as the Winter Soldier, he didn’t think he was worthy of Steve’s friendship, but less his love. Sex had ground to a near stop, which Steve could accept if Bucky didn’t cringe every time they touched in an intimate way. At first he thought Bucky didn’t want him anymore, but then Bucky broke down one night, sobbing and yelling about how worthless he was, how Steve deserved better than a murderer. 

It had been a few months since that night. In that time, Bucky became more willing to let Steve touch him, kiss him, say that he loved him, but there was still a wall. There was still some part of Bucky that Steve couldn’t touch. Now, Steve wondered if Ana had captured that part of Bucky.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Steve. I feel bad for the Captain. 
> 
> Next Chapter: Bucky tells Steve how he met Ana.
> 
> [Tumblr](https://mmjgregory.tumblr.com/)  
> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/mmjgwrites)  
> [Blog](https://mmjgregorywrites.wordpress.com/)


	4. Who is Ana?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky tells Steve how he met Ana.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The angst is real, folks. Poor Stucky. 
> 
> As always, I own nothing you recognize.

Bucky woke up, which surprised him. The sudden reappearance of Ana filled him with a rush of protective energy and he hadn’t expected to sleep when he tucked himself into bed beside her sleeping form. His slumber hadn’t lasted long, a few hours at most, but it was deep and dreamless and that was enough for Bucky to be thankful for these days.

Dawn sunlight blazed across the bottom edge of the bedroom windows, giving Bucky just enough light to make out Ana’s features. Her cheekbones stood out, marking a loss in weight since he had last seen her. Her hair was longer too, dotted with knots he knew would pain her to brush out. 

The scent of the rooms where she was kept still clung to her. It was a tangy mixture of sweat, metal, and the musk of other men. The smell twisted in Bucky’s stomach. Images of what he had seen HYDRA do to her, of what he imagined they had done to her after he escaped, flooded his brain with sickening clarity. 

Bucky traced the curve of her sallow jaw with his flesh hand. Nat was right. She needed a doctor, but she also needed food. He slowly extracted himself from the bed and padded out of the room.

In the kitchen, he gathered fresh fruit, muffins, water, and juice onto a tray. He was searching the fridge for eggs and bacon when he heard familiar footsteps behind him. 

Steve.

Bucky bit his tongue and took a breath. He knew he had to have this conversation, had to explain. He hadn’t been oblivious to the anger and hurt the last few hours had caused Steve. He just couldn’t do anything about it, not while Ana needed him. Bucky stood straight and closed the fridge, turning to face the man he loved.

Steve’s arms were crossed. The beard he had been growing added to the fury of his glare. “Who is she?” he demanded. “Who is Ana?”

Bucky sighed and looked at the floor. Yeah, this was going to get worse before it got better.

The offset rhythm of two pairs of footsteps alerted the super soldiers to the imminent arrival of Natasha and Bruce.

“Why don’t we go in your room? Get a little privacy?” Bucky suggested.

Steve walked into his room and Bucky followed, glancing back at the tray of food and hoping Ana would sleep in for a while.

Steve’s room held a spacious bed and two wing chairs, but he chose to stand to hear Bucky’s story. Bucky wanted to sit, wanted the comfort of something soft to get through the words, but if Steve was going to stand, so was he. 

“I thought she was dead. I....I don’t know. Well, I guess that’s not the place to start.” Bucky’s hands tensed as he sifted through his scrambled memories.

“The technology wasn’t as good when they first started wiping my brain. Most of the time, I would be out of it for days, useless to them. There was a concern that I wouldn’t last very long if they had to keep wiping me after every mission. They needed another way to make me comply. Someone came up with the bright idea to give me a toy. They thought I’d enjoy using her.

“They let us live together. I got attached and so did she. They still wiped me, just enough to stop me from being defiant. It worked for them because if I ever disobeyed all they had to do was threaten her. I chose her, again and again. I chose to murder other people to keep her safe.” 

Bucky turned away from Steve, looking out the windows at the still-rising sun. “The only time I ever really refused was when they wanted me to kill Howard. They made me watch while they beat her. While they raped her. Ana…. She wanted me to keep refusing. She said she could handle whatever they did to her. So, I kept saying no and they took her away. When they threatened to kill her, I gave in. They wiped me and then I went and killed Tony’s parents.”

Steve felt his eyes watering and made a move toward Bucky but stopped when Bucky stiffened and continued talking. 

“The technology started getting better. I could recover from a wipe in a few minutes instead of a few days. They kept her away more and more, a reward instead of a threat. Then I saw you.”

Bucky turned back toward the room. His eyes were red and watery. When he saw Steve sitting on the bed, he let himself collapse into one of the chairs. He was relieved to see that Steve’s body had softened, his shoulders bent with his elbows on his knees, but the Captain was still too stiff.

“My memories of you were buried so deep, but I knew that I knew you. I wouldn’t shut up about it, so they promised me that Ana could move back in, wiped me, and sent me back out to kill you.” Bucky’s tears fell as he moved to sit next to Steve. He wiped the wet streaks from his cheeks and cradled Steve’s face in his hands. “I love you. You know that, right?”

Steve’s lips quivered at Bucky’s words. Bucky had only said he loved him once since they had been reunited. He nodded. “Yeah, Buck. I love you too.” Even though Steve knew, it meant more than he could say to hear it.

Bucky touched his lips to Steve’s. The kiss was soft, salty from tears, and over too soon. “The wipes left me so messed up. I wanted to stab you and hug you all at once when I saw you again. I knew I couldn’t go back, but when my head started to clear from the wipe…. I hated myself. I had abandoned her. They didn’t have a reason to keep her alive if I wasn’t their Asset anymore.

“I thought they would kill her, but I had to find out for sure. Before you found me, all I did was hide and look for her. I...I’ve still been looking for her. Before you all let me come on missions, I would go try to find her when you were gone. When I found out the internet was good for more than looking up old pop culture references, I started using that too. I never thought she’d be a few subway stops away. I know this complicates things, Stevie, but I need your support. She needs it too. She needs to be around people who love her.”

Steve grimaced at the mention of love. He grabbed Bucky’s flesh hand and squeezed their fingers together. He knew his best friend wouldn’t like what he was going to say, but it needed saying. “Bucky, I know that you care about her. I know that you trust her. But, please, listen to me. Nothing you’ve said rules out the possibility of her being a HYDRA spy.” 

Bucky’s eyes widened and he dropped Steve’s hand like it had burned him. “She was chained to the goddamn bed, Steve! She isn’t working for them! Her own goddamn father handed her over to be their plaything when she was just a child!”

“She's still a child, Buck.” Steve had been doing the math in his head. No matter how he added it up, it disturbed him to think how young Ana was when Howard was killed.

Bucky's face scrunched until he figured out what he hadn’t said. “She's almost as old as we are.” 

Steve raised an eyebrow. “What?”

“Ana was their science experiment too. They tested the serum on her. She isn't strong, but she heals faster than I do. That's one of the reasons they picked her. If I decided to rough her up, she could take it. Not that I ever did."

Steve blinked as he took in the information, then shook his head. “You don’t know her, not really! All you know is what she’s told you, what HYDRA told you.”

Bucky stood up and backed away from Steve. “I do know her. I love her, and I’ve had almost twice as many years with her as I have with you. I know this is hard for you, but goddamnit, don’t try to make me choose between you two. She needs me.”

“I need you, Buck! For Christ’s sake, I just got you back.”

Bucky pinched his eyes shut and crossed his arms over his chest, holding himself together. Steve was in full-on stubborn, protective mode. The Captain thought he was right and there was little to be done when he thought that. 

Bucky rarely convinced Steve he was wrong, even when they were boys in Brooklyn. The thought of scrawny Steve pulled Bucky’s eyes back to the brick wall of a man standing before him. Those baby blues still made his heart flutter. He couldn’t choose between them, but Steve wasn’t likely to let this go.

A howling scream shattered the tension between them. Bucky pummeled past Steve, recognizing the voice behind the piercing shout. “Ana!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Chapter: Bucky finds out what made Ana scream. The rest of the team gets to know Bucky's other love.
> 
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	5. Seeing Red

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ana wakes up to an empty bed and meets a few of the Avengers. (And we find out what made her scream....)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's more Google Russian in this chapter. Always open to better translations. :)
> 
> As always, I own nothing you recognize.

Ana woke but didn’t open her eyes. Something was different. 

The blanket covering her body was warm and comfortably heavy. The familiar weight of the ankle shackles was missing. She tensed at the freedom until the disorientation of slumber faded and she remembered the previous night.

Yasha. She found Yasha. 

She stretched out, hoping to feel the coolness of his metal arm, but there was nothing but soft sheets. She opened one eye just a bit to take in her surroundings. Besides the bed and two bare nightstands, all she saw was three doors and an overhead fan.

She sat up and waited, but nothing happened. “Yasha?” she whispered. She said it twice more, a little louder each time, but no one responded. Her eyes slid to the floor to ceiling windows lining one side of the room. Curtains hid most of them, but she could see slices of light and sky in the gaps.

Ana slipped out of the bed soundlessly and tiptoed to the windows. Even through the thick glass, she could feel the warmth of the sun. She couldn’t remember the last time she had seen the sunlight, much less a sunrise. Transports always moved under the cover of night and she had long been denied the privilege of outdoor time.

Ana stood in the light, enjoying the brightness and warmth. When her eyes moved downward, her stomach lurched at the height and she stumbled back onto the safety of the bed. 

She wanted Yasha. Where was Yasha? Why had he left her alone?

Three doors were two too many as far as Ana was concerned. In and out was all there ever needed to be. The openings beneath two of the doors were dark. Ana stepped up to the nearest dark door and pressed her ear against it. Hearing nothing, she turned the knob and opened it an eye’s width. When her sight adjusted, she found two metal racks, one of which held several pieces of clothing. 

Ana closed the door and crossed to the second. There was a low hiss inside the room that she associated with washing time. She cracked the door open and found a bathroom. She couldn’t imagine why the bathroom was in a separate space but was relieved there were no guards.

Only the door with the sliver of light remained. When Ana pressed her ear to it, she heard murmurs of conversation close by, but not close enough to make out the words.

“Yasha?” she said again. No answer. 

Ana took a breath and opened the door. No one immediately shouted or lashed out at her, which was a good sign. She stepped into the hallway and closed the door behind her. There were several doors down the hallway to her right, but the voices were coming from an open area on the other end. Ana bit her bottom lip and moved toward the voices.

She stayed close to the wall and moved slowly, stopping short of where she thought anyone would be able to see her. There were three voices, two male and one female.

“Is that tray one of yours?” one of the males asked, his voice gilded with arrogance.

“It was out when we came in,” the other male said, his voice softer and uncertain.

“Maybe Capsicle was making a plate for the new girlfriend,” the arrogant male said.

“I doubt it,” the female answered, her controlled voice moving closer to the hallway.

Ana shuffled further from view, knocking into a picture hanging on the wall next to her. She grimaced at the resulting thump and hoped the others hadn’t heard.

“Ana?” the female called out.

“Come out and say hi,” came the arrogant voice. “We won’t bite.”

Ana wanted to believe him, but it wouldn’t be the first time someone broke that particular promise to her.

The female tried a different tactic. “Vse v poryadke, Ana. YA dumayu, chto Yasha ostavil etu pishchu dlya vas.”

Ana wanted to believe that too, but if the food was from Yasha, where was he? Staying in the hallway wasn’t an option. They’d only get mad at her if she hid or tried to run. As usual, there were no options.

Ana’s hands curled into fists as she walked into their line of sight. She recognized the taller man and the woman who had broken off her ankle cuffs from the night before. The shorter man was smiling kindly at her, and Ana knew the uncertain voice must belong to him. 

Ana kept her eyes on the ground as she moved toward them, stopping far enough away to be out of arm’s reach. The desire to ask about Yasha was overwhelming, but habit won out. “Gde ty khochesh' menya?”

The redhead groaned at the question, but the men just looked puzzled.

Ana felt like an idiot. They were speaking English. She knew better than to do anything to confuse guards. Confusion changed to fury in less than the time it took to slap someone across a room. “My apologies. Where do you want me?” she asked again.

The redhead walked near enough to touch Ana but didn’t reach out. “We’re not going to hurt you. You don’t have to do anything for us, ok? My name’s Natasha. That’s Bruce,” she said, pointing to the shorter man. “And that’s Tony. He’s a sarcastic twit most of the time.” Tony made an offended noise but didn’t interrupt. “But he won’t hurt you. You have my word. Barnes…. Yasha should be back soon. I know you must be hungry. Come eat with us.”

Ana nodded and followed Natasha into the kitchen.

“We’ve got eggs, sausage, bacon,” Natasha said. “There’s bananas and muffins on that tray. We’ve got milk and juice and fifteen flavors of water. Don’t ask me why. Bruce likes them.”

“Hey! They’re good and there’s no sugar in them,” Bruce retorted.

“That’s the problem, Doc,” Tony shot back.

Natasha rolled her eyes at them. “He may have terrible taste in beverages, but Bruce makes the best waffles. Do you like waffles?”

The question stumped Ana. Eggs and sausage were familiar enough. She liked bananas when they weren’t being shoved down her throat. But waffles? Bacon? She bit her lip, searching for a safe answer. “I like whatever you make.”

There was quiet as the other three tried to translate the layered meaning behind her answer. Ana started shifting on her feet, trying to make herself smaller. 

It was Tony who broke the silence. “Well, we’ll just have to make everything and let you try it all. Sound good?”

Ana nodded, relieved and eager to please. Bruce, Natasha, and Tony moved all around her, their heads disappeared into cupboards and their hands reached into the fridge as they debated the best way to serve eggs and Tony insisted that he could handle more than pouring the drinks. 

Ana scrunched against the wall, trying and failing to stay out of the way. The third time Bruce almost ran into her, he motioned to the table and told her to take a seat. So, Ana went to the long table between the kitchen and living room and knelt on the ground, watching in relaxed amusement as the trio prepared breakfast.

Once the coffee was brewing, Tony turned to see how what Ana was doing and was surprised to find he could only see her from the neck up. “Uh, why are you sitting on the ground?”

Natasha and Bruce twisted away from the stove to see what Tony was talking about. Ana dug her nails into her palms and swore to herself as she moved to stand. She couldn’t keep messing up like this. “Mister Bruce said I could sit. I’m sorry. I must have misunderstood.”

Bruce shook his head. “No. I mean, yes. I mean, you can sit. But you don’t have to sit on the floor. I mean, unless you want to? But the chairs are much more comfortable than the hardwood. But, sit. Please, sit.” His hand went to the short curls on his head as he looked at Natasha with an apologetic expression.

Ana couldn’t think of a safe response to that, so she knelt again.

“You can use the furniture,” Natasha explained. “You can sit anywhere you want to. Or, stand, if you want to. No one is going to get mad.”

“I can sit...in the chair?” Ana asked. 

All three answered in the affirmative. Slowly, Ana got up and started to pull one of the chairs from beneath the dining table. She looked up to get confirmation one more time, but all thought of chairs and sitting drained from her head when she saw two new people walking down the hallway.

Natasha saw Ana’s features flicker from caution to terror. She followed her gaze to the hallway where Wanda and Vision were coming out of the room they shared. She didn’t doubt that it would take Ana time to get used to all of the people that lived in Stark Tower, but she didn’t understand the abject horror on Ana’s face. Natasha was about to tell Ana that Wanda and Vision were Bucky’s friends too when Ana dropped to the floor.

“Pozhaluysta. Pozhaluysta, ser. Prosti! Prosti! YA ne- Pozhaluysta, ne nado! Pozhaluysta!” Ana’s voice got louder as her pleas became more desperate. Her skin flushed with stress and fear and tears stained her cheeks. When she looked up and found Vision and Wanda even closer than they had been, Ana screamed. The noise ripped her throat raw and stunned everyone in the room. 

A moment later, Bucky was in the common area, darting around the furniture, trying to find Ana. “What the hell happened? Where is she?”

“She went that way,” Natasha said, pointing down the second hallway. “But nothing happened, Bucky, she just-” Natasha stopped her explanation because Bucky had already disappeared down the hall.

A loud thump sounded near the end of the hall, drawing Bucky toward Sam’s room. The thump sounded once more before he shoved through the locked door. Ana was holding Sam’s desk chair, slamming its metal legs into one of the windows. There wasn’t so much as a scratch on the glass, but Bucky’s heart stuttered at the implication. There was no fire escape. If Ana managed to break the window, her only escape was to jump to the ground eighty floors below.

“Anastasiya, ostanovites'!” he shouted.

When Ana saw that it was him, she dropped the chair and ran into his arms. “Yasha. Yasha. Eto Krasnyy Cherep. On zastavit nas prosit' smerti. My dolzhny uyti otsyuda, Yasha. Teper'! Pozhaluysta!”

Bucky held her, stroking along her spine and taking deep breaths in hope that she would follow his lead. “Red Skull? Red Skull is dead, Ana. I- He’s dead.”

“It’s Vision,” Steve said, his voice startling the couple. Bucky turned his head and Ana peered around his shoulder. “It’s not Red Skull. His name is Vision.”

Ana’s brow creased. This man had been there the night before too. But he was wrong. No one else had red skin like that.

“Red Skull is dead,” Steve said. “If he wasn’t, I’d know.” His gaze moved to Bucky. He sighed and shook his head. “She needs a doctor.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do you think Steve will accept Ana now?
> 
> Russian translations:  
> Vse v poryadke, Ana. YA dumayu, chto Yasha ostavil etu pishchu dlya vas. | It's all right, Ana. I think that Yasha left this food for you.  
> Gde ty khochesh' menya? | Where do you want me?  
> Pozhaluysta. Pozhaluysta, ser. Prosti! Prosti! YA ne- Pozhaluysta, ne nado! Pozhaluysta! | Please. Please, sir. Sorry! Sorry! I don't - Please don't! Please!  
> Anastasiya, ostanovites'! | Anastasia, stop!  
> Yasha. Yasha. Eto Krasnyy Cherep. On zastavit nas prosit' smerti. My dolzhny uyti otsyuda, Yasha. Teper'! Pozhaluysta! | Yasha. Yasha. It's Red Skull. He'll make us beg for death. We must leave here, Yasha. Now! Please!
> 
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> 


	6. First, Do No Harm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ana finally gets that doctor appointment she's been needing.

The examination room Ana found herself in did not remind her of any she had been in before. For one thing, it was far too big. Five beds could have fit into the space, but there was only the one she was sitting on. There was a bathroom, once again unnecessarily separated from the rest of the room by a door that bizarrely locked on the inside. The walls were an unstained, almost blinding white and mostly blank. She recognized most of the few items mounted to the wall though--an oxygen tank and mask, a biohazard waste bucket, and a defibrillator, along with closed containers and several feet of tubing. There were metallic nozzles she didn’t know the use for, but none of them looked likely to cause harm unless she was thrown into one head first, but even that wouldn't hurt for long. 

Yasha promised her that none of the doctors would do anything to hurt her. Still, the tools for pain had to be somewhere. Several cabinets and drawers lined one wall, and Ana assumed all of the missing equipment must be held there, though she was surprised it was kept so far from the bed. More than anything, she couldn't get used to the openness of the room. Even with all that space and privacy, someone had hung a curtain that wrapped around the bed. Were all non-HYDRA exam rooms prone to such excess?

It didn’t matter. What did matter was getting better for Yasha. He had kept his promise to stay where she could see him. Ana looked through the exam room window and watched him talk to the timid man named Bruce, who was apparently a doctor, though Ana didn’t think he had the temperament for such things. 

While they were talking, Steve walked into sight of the window. The Captain had told Yasha she needed a doctor and Yasha agreed, so she must, but it was hard to see why when she had no injuries. 

Ana watched Yasha raise his flesh fingers and fidget with his hair before turning his gaze to her. He always put his hands in hair, whether his or hers, when he was deciding something. Ana did not like the scrunch of uncertainty and concern on his face.

*

Bucky shook his head. “She’s not going to take any pills.”

Bruce sighed at Bucky’s stubbornness. “Healing powers or not, there’s no telling what she could have picked up. She needs to be on broad-spectrum antibiotics for a couple of weeks at least. Not to mention taking something for anxiety and to help her sleep. This is going to be a rough adjustment. She didn’t go through what you went through, but--”

“You don’t know what she went through,” Bucky said. His voice was quiet and flat and made Bruce break eye contact. “She won’t trust the pills.”

“You did,” Steve said, rounding the corner and letting himself into the conversation.

Bucky huffed, deciding to allow the intrusion. “No, actually, I didn’t.” Bruce and Steve both raised their eyebrows at that. “Not for the first six months.”

Bruce shook his head, but Steve's expression staggered between sadness and anger.

“It wasn’t that I didn’t trust you,” Bucky said, knowing what Steve would think of his admission. It was that you were the only one I trusted. I didn’t know who made the pills. I didn’t know who may have tampered with them along the way. I trusted you, but not enough to trust everyone else, not at first.” Bucky wanted to call Steve a punk to show that everything was ok, but he knew Steve wouldn’t want him to.

Steve’s jaw hardened, but he said nothing.

“You’re taking them now, aren’t you?” Bruce asked. Bucky nodded. “And they’re helping?” Bucky nodded again. “Then you need to convince her that they'll help her too. And therapy. We’ll find her someone she likes, but two or three times a week minimum.”

Bucky narrowed his eyes. “I’ll encourage it but I’m not forcing it. If she’s not ready to talk, she’s not.”

"Yeah. Ok." Bruce took off his glasses and pinched his nose, then he cleaned the lenses with the cloth of his shirt. 

Bucky recognized a stalling tactic when he saw one. “What? What else?”

Bruce put his glasses back on. “We’ll do all the routine lab work. That’s nothing more than some blood draws and cotton swabs. We can hold off on the more invasive stuff for a while, except, she needs a pelvic exam. Given how she was kept….”

“He’s right, Buck,” Steve said when Bruce's words ran out, arms crossed against any resistance Bucky planned.

“She heals. There’s no reason to put her through that.”

“You don’t know that,” Bruce said. “You said yourself that she got a different serum than you did. She could still be susceptible to cancer. I know it’s uncomfortable to think about but--”

“Can you please just stop talking for a minute,” Bucky said, his hand threading through his hair as he turned his attention to Ana. He gave her a smile he hoped was encouraging. “You shouldn’t be talking to me. It’s her body. She’s never been in control of it. You want her to take your medicine? You want her to trust you? Talk to her. Let her decide.”

* 

Steve made to follow them into the room, but huffed away when Yasha put up a hand and said something to him. Ana swallowed hard and took a deep breath. Doctors always hurt, but Yasha promised this time would be different, so it would be.

Yasha sat next to Ana on the too-big bed, just behind her so he could wrap his arms around her. Ana anchored her left arm to his metal limb and joined their right hands. What could hurt her now?

“Hi, Ana. Remember me?”

“You’re Bruce,” Ana said easily. “We met at breakfast, well, what was supposed to be breakfast.” Yasha felt her shiver as she corrected herself. “I’m sorry, sir. Did you get to eat?”

“I did. Please, just call me Bruce. Listen, I…. Are you hungry? Do you want to eat?”

“I would prefer not to, Bruce.” 

“Ok. Will you try after we talk?”

Ana tucked her head under Yasha’s head and nodded.

Bruce met her eyes with soft reassurance. “Great. Thank you. That’s really great. Uh, I want to talk to you about your medical care. Bucky-- Yasha already told me how you heal even better than him, which is outstanding, but I’m not sure what parts of your body are affected by that and I want to make sure that we’re not ignoring any injuries or illnesses that need to be treated.” 

Ana let the corners of her mouth lift into a tight smile, hoping his eyes would not harden when she spoke. “I appreciate your concern, but my body is in perfect health. I know when it’s not.”

Bruce turned his head like he was about to shake it but stopped short. “There may be things you don't feel.”

Yasha heard Ana gulp and shifted so that he could bring her closer. “You can talk to him. Say what you're thinking. He won't hurt you. He wouldn't even if I wasn't here.”

Ana tucked further into Yasha before replying. “Bruce, sir, there are many things I do not know, but I have lived in this body for almost a century. Most of those years came after the serum. I was ill many times before the injections, but never after. Sometimes I sustained injuries that required medical attention to heal correctly, but I have always healed, treated or not. I can be hurt, but I don't get sick and I don't age. You are a kind doctor, but I do not need a doctor.”

Yasha laughed, it was a small thing, barely making a sound, but the vibration of his chest warmed Ana all the same. 

Bruce looked at Ana with slack-jawed wonder. Her behavior at breakfast was what he expected of someone who had been kept as an experiment, as a slave. But the person sitting in Bucky's lap had just shown him more nerve and articulation than most ordinary patients dared to show their family doctor. The reactions didn't match. His brain immediately began hypothesizing possible diagnoses--dissociative identity disorder or bipolarity perhaps. He wasn't a psychiatrist, but he knew something here did not fit. “Ana, would you be willing to sit down and talk to someone about what's happened to you?”

“Of course I would.”

“You would?” Bruce asked, not expecting it to be so easy.

“I always have. Why should I stop now?”

Bruce hummed his understanding. “You mean Yasha. I meant someone you don't know, someone who can help you work through what you've experienced.”

“How can someone who didn't go through it help me?” Ana asked. Yasha's arms tightened around her, the plates of his metal arm whirring softly.

Bruce took his glasses off and wiped them on his shirt. Ana tilted her head at the action, knowing he had just cleaned the lenses a few minutes before. 

With his glasses back on, Bruce answered. “It helps to talk, and people who haven't been through it with you can look at things a different way. Their perspective is helpful because they didn’t experience it.”

Ana's mouth quirked as she considered this. “Who would I talk to? You?”

“No. I'm not trained for that, but we can find you someone you're comfortable with to talk to. Buck-- Yasha talks to someone.”

Ana looked at Yasha, who nodded that it was true. 

“I'll speak with one of your trained talkers. Is there anything else?”

Bruce nodded, crossing his arms. “I'd like to take some blood and saliva samples.”

“Why?” Ana’s voice hardened. “I already told you, I'm perfectly healthy.”

“Right, but the samples would help me understand your healing factor better.”

Ana raised an eyebrow. “Why do you need to do that?”

“So you can understand it better.” After a beat he added, “Maybe we can make Yasha's better too.”

Yasha stiffened behind her, about to protest, but Ana spoke before he could. “That's fine. Anything else?”

“I'd like you to have a CAT scan and some x-rays done. Even if nothing's broken, we can see if the serum affected you in other ways. And, given the conditions you were found in, I think you need a pelvic exam.”

Ana tensed in Yasha’s arms as soon as the word 'pelvic’ came out of Bruce's mouth.

“I do not believe any of those procedures are necessary,” she said, her voice nearly empty of emotion.

Bruce decided to leave that alone for the time being. “All right. However, I strongly suggest you begin taking medications for stress and to help you sleep.”

Ana didn't move for a moment. Yasha ran his lips across the top of her head, ruffling her hair. Finally, she nodded. “I will take them as needed.”

Bruce's eyes widened at the partial assent. “Great. As needed is fine for the sleeping pills, but the medication for stress needs time to build in your system. It's not an as needed type of thing.”

Ana twisted in Yasha's grip, but he kept her close with gentle pressure and used his metal fingers to sweep a lock of hair behind her ear. “I take it. It helps. A lot of things are different here. The medicine helps.”

Ana sighed and let her eyes fall shut at Yasha's breath against her ear. “You can prescribe them. I'll start taking them if I need to.”

Bruce made an approving grunt. He was tempted to mention that trying to break a window so she could jump out of a skyscraper was a good indicator of needing it, but he decided to let the psychiatrist tackle that. “I’ll set up an appointment for you with one of our...talkers. Is it ok if I draw some blood now?”

When Ana agreed, Bruce went to the wall of cabinetry to gather the necessary supplies. He opened several doors, but the only tools Ana saw saw capable of causing hurt were a few scalpels.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do you have any theories about Ana's health? 
> 
> Thank you for taking the time to read. Extra big thanks for kudos. <3 Comments feed plot bunnies. :)
> 
> Next chapter: Steve remembers better, sexier times with Bucky. Then, Bucky and Steve get some much needed alone time and come home to Ana doing something surprising.
> 
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	7. Settling In

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve is sexually frustrated. Ana settles in. Bucky and Steve spend some time together.  
> *cough* smut *cough*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay. I got distracted by some other fics... Check them out?  
> Either way, here's an extra long, smutty chapter to make it up to you.  
> This fic finally earns the Dom! Steve and Sub! Bucky tags. Definitely more of that to come...

Steve turned away from the light streaming through the windows of his room, trying to hide from the sun for a few minutes more. He reached out a hand, not knowing if it would touch cold metal or warm flesh. When his arm was fully extended and still touched nothing but soft sheets, he remembered. Bucky wasn’t in bed with him, hadn’t been for two weeks now, which explained the uncharacteristic hardness between his thighs.

Sex with Bucky wasn’t the same as it had been before he was turned into the Winter Soldier. Nothing was as it had been, but they had managed to feel each other out again and enjoy a new kind of intimacy--a timid, slow exploration that had become more and more frequent and fervent. Until now. Until Ana.

Steve shrunk away from the empty side of the bed, allowing the sunlight to blaze across his eyelids. Ana had begun therapy and seemed to be doing better, though Steve still hadn’t seen her swallow a single pill. 

Bucky needed to be focused on his own recovery, but he was consumed with taking care of her to the point where he canceled their last joint therapy session. Apparently, his doctor wasn’t concerned so long as he kept up his individual sessions. When Steve voiced his own concerns, she asked if he would like to come in for a session by himself. It wasn’t about him. It was about Bucky. Why did no one understand that?

In spite of his frustration, or perhaps because of it, his cock was still throbbing. He wasn’t about to go to breakfast with morning wood, so there was only one thing to be done. He took himself in hand, rubbing across the leaking tip as he mentally flipped through his favorite memories.

All of the best memories were from before he lost Bucky. He cherished what they had now, but it didn’t get him going like what they used to do. He still remembered how his hands quivered the first time he touched Bucky. They were still teenagers, hadn’t touched anyone else yet. They both spilled quickly, quaking in one another’s arms. 

That was the only time they touched as boys, but it wasn’t long after they moved in together that they stopped denying how they felt for one another. That night was burned into his being like a brand on his soul, but he didn't know if Bucky remembered it at all.

Bucky had come in from yet another date, but this time he let Steve see the evidence of his encounter. His lips were smeared with red lipstick and his collar was open enough to reveal a hickey on his collarbone.

Seeing the mark filled Steve with a warm fuzziness that he associated with the moment before someone punched him. “Have a good time, Buck?” he had asked.

“The bar played good music,” Bucky said, looking at Steve from across the room, far enough that he didn’t have to look down to see him properly.

Steve narrowed his eyes. “You didn’t answer my question. Did you have a good time?”

Bucky shifted his gaze to the floor. “I guess. It’ll do.”

“It’ll do?” Steve repeated. “You let a dame do that to you and you didn’t even enjoy it?”

Bucky blinked at his shoes and swallowed hard enough to bob his Adam’s apple before he met Steve’s gaze. “Who said it was a dame?”

Steve shook his head at that, squinting like Bucky had just spoken another language. “What do you mean? Of course it was a dame. You’ve got lipstick all over you.”

“Fellas have lips too, Stevie.” Bucky didn’t shy away from Steve’s eyes now.

“You mean--” Steve started, striding across the room until he was inches from Bucky. The queasy lurch in his stomach hardened. “You let a man touch you? You let another man kiss you?” 

Bucky licked his lips like he was going to say something, but nodded instead. “What are you gonna do about it?”

Even then, Steve hesitated, wasn’t sure this was what Bucky wanted. They hadn’t touched, not like that, in years. After Bucky found girls, Steve assumed that it would never happen again. 

But then why had Bucky gone out looking for a good time with another man? Maybe he just didn’t want Steve. But Bucky had said “it’ll do” like there was something, someone he wanted more.

Steve pressed his small hands against Bucky’s broad chest and shoved him hard enough to step back against the wall. “What am I gonna do about it?” Steve’s voice came out breathy and deep and desperate. Steve threaded his fingers through the back of Bucky’s short hair and pulled hard. “I’m gonna teach you a lesson is what I’m gonna do.”

Bucky’s eyes closed as he moaned and Steve wanted nothing more than to make him make that noise over and over again. “You’re mine,” Steve said. “No one else’s.” 

“Yours,” Bucky answered. “No one else’s. Please, Stevie. Want to be yours. Please.”

“Prove it,” Steve said, tugging on Bucky’s collar with his free hand until he dropped to his knees. Steve unzipped and pushed his pants down just enough to pull out his length.

Bucky lunged for it with an open mouth, but Steve still had a hand in his hair and kept him back. “Beg for it, Buck.”

Steve expected a sarcastic remark, but Bucky's pupils were already blown and ravenous. “Oh, please, Stevie. Let me make you feel good. I’ve wanted to taste you for so long. Please.” Bucky’s tongue swiped across his lips like he was starved for the precum glistening on Steve’s dick.

Steve’s hips swayed forward on their own as he looked down at Bucky, so gorgeous and on his knees. But he didn’t want to just get off. He wanted Bucky, all of him. “You gonna be good for me, Buck? Stay at home with me and stop chasin’ tail?”

“Yes, Stevie.” Bucky nodded. “I’m yours. Yours.”

Steve rubbed the thumb of his free hand across Bucky’s cheekbone. Bucky leaned into the touch. His skin was warm and wet with perspiration. Steve’s eyes went back to the red stains on Bucky’s lips. He swiped his thumb across his cheek and traced the softness of Bucky’s lips, drawing a shiver from the kneeling man. “Open up.” 

Bucky instantly obeyed, dropping his jaw and accepting Steve’s thumb into his mouth, groaning as it traced his tongue.

When his thumb was sufficiently wet, Steve took it from Bucky’s mouth and tilted his head up by the hair he was still holding. With each swipe of his thumb, the offensive red faded. Steve dipped into Bucky’s mouth three more times until there was no remaining trace of lipstick. “That’s better. All right, Buck. Take what you want.”

It was Steve’s turn to moan when the slick warmth of Bucky’s mouth surrounded him, taking him down to the hilt in three gulps. Bucky ran his tongue along the underside of Steve's cock in firm, quick strokes before swirling around the tip. 

Steve let his head fall back as Bucky swallowed around him. The velvet pressure was making his knees weak. When Bucky disconnected for a moment to recapture his breath, the cold air made Steve gasp and he suddenly wondered if Bucky had done more than kiss the man at the bar, if that had even been his first time with another man. But then Bucky’s mouth was back on him and Steve couldn’t bring himself to care. Bucky belonged to him and he belonged to Bucky. No one else.

They couldn’t keep their hands off each other after that. Steve still remembered being worried that Bucky would reject his serum enhanced body, but the opposite happened. Bucky had always seen Steve as larger than life, a good man, a man to follow. Bucky loved being controlled by Steve. It didn’t matter that he was little. Bucky felt safe in Steve’s skinny arms. He wanted nothing more than to drop to his knees and worship him. But now Steve's outsides matched his insides and that, Bucky insisted, was hotter than hell. Steve could throw him on the bed and hold him against the wall while he slammed inside. That suited Bucky just fine.

It’s the memory of the first night they were together in a tent beside the other Howling Commandos that finally draws an orgasm out of Steve alone in his bed. Bucky had called him “sir” before, but that was the first time he called him Captain. 

Steve shuddered with the pleasure. The light coming in through the window was harsher now, impossible to ignore. Bucky would never call him Captain in bed again. Steve knew some of what Bucky had gone through at HYDRA’s hands. He wouldn’t risk triggering him. If anything, Ana’s sudden significance in Bucky’s life proved just how little he knew about the lifetime Bucky had lived without him. With that thought, all of Steve’s pleasure turned sour.

*

In the kitchen, Wanda stacked a platter full of pancakes and waffles while Bruce cut strawberries, plums, and bananas. Vision set out plates and silverware buffet style. The savory smell of eggs and bacon invaded the halls, slowly drawing the Avengers out of their rooms.

“Why do you two insist on cooking?” Tony asked, biting into a slice of bacon. “You know the bots will do it.”

“And you know we like to do it,” Wanda said, her voice exasperated from having the conversation one too many times.

Another door opened and closed, but whoever came out ducked into the bathroom, so Wanda didn't look up to greet anyone until she heard Vision’s deep inhale.

Ana was standing at the mouth of the hallway, staring at Vision. Wanda flickered her gaze between the two, wishing Bucky had checked to make sure the coast was clear before his morning leak. “Good morning, Ana,” Wanda said.

“Morning,” Ana said, eyes still on Vision. Tony stood up from his seat, ready to intervene, and Bruce was already taking slow, deliberate steps toward Ana.

“Maybe I should-” Vision started, but went silent when Ana sidestepped Bruce and walked up to him. Regardless of all the moments she had spent staring, she didn’t quite meet his eyes when she was in front of him. Bruce had followed Ana’s steps and reached out to touch her arm but stopped when she started talking.

“I want to apologize for my behavior when I first came here. I know you’ve been avoiding common areas because of me. I’m sorry I made you feel uncomfortable in your own home and for thinking you were that-- that terrible man. I hope we can start again.”

When Ana managed to look at Vision’s face again, he was smiling.

“No need for apologies,” Vision said. “You have been through quite a lot. Your reaction was understandable. I would very much like to start again, as you said.”

The tension in the room broke like a wave reaching the shore. “Hungry?” Wanda asked, offering Ana a plate.

“Yes, please,” Ana said. 

*

Sam, Nat, and Steve were lined up to fill their plates when Bucky came into the kitchen. He found Ana sitting at the table and was happy to see that she looked comfortable. She hadn’t tried to sit on the floor again, but she had only transitioned from sitting on his lap to claiming a seat of her own a few days before. Her plate was too sparsely filled, and he made a mental note to get extra on his plate to shove onto hers. 

It wasn’t until Bucky was filling a glass with juice that he noticed who Ana was sitting next to. She was deep in conversation with Vision. She didn’t look terrified or even scared, just interested in what he was saying. Bucky nearly spilled orange juice all over the counter watching them.

“Want to save some juice for the rest of us?” Natasha asked, one eyebrow arched in amusement. Bucky rolled his eyes and handed her the half-full carton. “She seems to be settling in well,” Natasha said, nodding toward Ana.

Bucky smiled and nodded. “Yeah, she is.”

“Can’t say the same for Steve,” Natasha said. 

Bucky looked at the far end of the table where Steve and Sam were sitting. Sam was the cheeriest damn morning person Bucky had ever seen. He and Steve were usually the first ones out for a run and always came back laughing and energized. This morning, Sam’s brow held the usual band of sweat, but Steve was still in pajamas. 

Though he couldn’t hear what Sam was saying, he knew Falcon was trying to get Steve to laugh from his exaggerated facial expression. Steve gave him a wry smile and speared some eggs with his fork. 

Bucky’s stomach clenched at Steve’s obvious unhappiness, but there wasn’t anything he could do. Until Steve trusted Ana, nothing he said would make a difference.

Natasha handed him the juice carton to put back in the fridge but took her time grabbing a napkin like she had something else to say. Bucky stood there, wondering if it was going to be a lecture or encouragement.

“Why don’t you and Steve spend a few hours together today? Ana can stay with me.”

Bucky opened his mouth, ready to reject Nat’s offer, but then he looked back to the table where Ana was content and Steve was miserable. “Thanks, Nat. That’d be great.”

*

After leaving Ana with Natasha and Wanda in the gym, Bucky met Steve in the garage. Steve straddled his bike wordlessly and beckoned for Bucky to get on behind him. Riding on the motorcycle had always been one of Bucky’s favorite things. Between the force of the rumbling engine and the way he had to cling to Steve, he never failed to be throbbing and needy by the time they got to wherever they were going. 

As usual, Bucky didn’t know their destination. He let Steve take the lead and relaxed against his back, reveling in the spicy, sweet scent of Steve swirling all around him. Traffic was light, so it wasn’t long before they were out of the city and soon enough Bucky guessed where they were going. 

Tony shared more than just the tower with them. He had residences across the globe that the Avengers used whenever they wanted or needed to, one of which was in Brooklyn. It was a renovated building right on the bay with wide windows and too many amenities to remind either of them of their childhood, but it was still Brooklyn. It still smelled of home. 

Bucky’s head was still fuzzy from the bike when they walked onto the main floor. He was ready to jump on Steve then and there, but despite the closeness of the ride, Steve was still quiet and reserved, to the point of sitting on the opposite end of the couch after Bucky sat down. Bucky was trying to decipher whether Steve needed him to be adoring or sarcastic when Steve spoke.

“JARVIS, pull up everything on Mission Alpha Radical Five-Four.”

Bucky frowned at Steve as images started filling the air in front of them. 

Steve kept talking without looking at him. “Tony needs you to go with him tomorrow. I know you haven’t wanted to leave her, but you agreed to tonight and you're the right man for this mission. It should only be one night away.”

Bucky didn’t look at the mission directives. His voice came out scratchy with indignation. “What the fuck, Steve? What is this? Did you get Natasha to set me up just for some goddamn mission?”

Steve scoffed at the accusation. “No. Tony wasn’t going to ask and neither was I because we didn’t think you’d leave. But here we are, an hour’s drive from the tower. If you can stand this, you can be away overnight to make sure Tony comes home unharmed.” 

“I’m not going to leave her overnight,” Bucky said, crossing his arms and curling into the corner of the couch. “She still has nightmares and triggers. She needs someone she can trust at night.”

Steve shook his head. “So she stays up and watches movies for one night. She’ll be fine.”

“Seriously? Why are you being so fucking heartless? You were there for me when I needed you.”

Steve’s eyes got wide then twitched into narrow slits. “She’s dealing with everything a little too well if you ask me. Of course, you don't ask me. You barely talk to me. She is messing with your recovery! You told me what they did to you, but not all of it, and not about her! And it’s obvious why. You think I can’t tell a submissive when I see one? They used her to manipulate you!”

Steve was standing by the end of his tirade, but Bucky stayed seated. “Yeah. They used her,” Bucky admitted. “They used me too, remember? I didn’t tell you about her because I didn’t want to hurt you even more. The way you reacted to what I have told you…. Steve, you touch me like I’m made of glass. Maybe that was the right thing to do for a while but not anymore. I need you to trust me. I need you to trust her.”

“What if I can’t?” Steve said, his voice like a growl and fists at his side.

Bucky felt like there was no oxygen in the room. His whole body strained against the words he knew he had to say. “Then we’ll leave.”

Steve’s hands twitched and unclenched. His body dropped to the couch hard and fast enough to drive the air from the cushions. He leaned forward on his knees and buried his face in his hands. “You’re choosing her.”

Bucky knew what Steve was thinking, but it wasn't true. He had to make Steve understand. Bucky scrambled across the space between them and pulled Steve’s face up to hold in his own hands. “I love you. I have always loved you. That hasn’t changed. But she’s healing, Steve. She needs me. I don’t want to choose. I love you both. I need you both. But dammit, if I have to make a choice, it’s her. Not because I love her more but because she doesn’t know how to move through this world on her own.”

Steve’s eyes were closed, tears streaming down his cheeks. “I need you, Buck. I can’t-- Don’t leave. I won’t make you choose. I just want you to be ok. I want you to be healthy. If this is what you need-- If she-- I trust you, Buck.”

Bucky didn’t have words for the relief that spread through his body. He swung a leg across Steve’s lap and pulled him into a tight hug, kissing down his neck and up again until their lips met. Steve relaxed into Bucky’s embraces, desperate for his touch. Bucky licked into his mouth and plunged inside, getting tangled in the flavor of his man.

Despite the fervor of the kiss, Steve felt like he was breathing properly for the first time in days. He cupped Bucky’s neck in his hand and dragged him closer, taking control of the kiss. Bucky softened into him as much as possible with that much muscle mass and rolled his hips into Steve’s lap. 

With a sudden twist, Steve was on top, pinning Bucky beneath him and wrapping his hand around the brunette’s growing erection. Bucky let out a sound somewhere between a moan and a sob at the touch. Steve knew how long Bucky had to go untouched to be that sensitive. Steve was only a little ashamed of how satisfied he was to know that Ana had Bucky had not had sex since she moved in. 

“Please, Stevie. I need you in me. Please.”

All thought of Ana fled from his mind at Bucky’s pleading. He knew he shouldn’t encourage Bucky degrading himself, however slight. But blood was rushing to his cock in a way it hadn’t since before he flew that plane into the ocean. His whole body shivered with anticipation and bare desire. He let Bucky’s words echo in his head as he undressed them both. He didn’t demand that Bucky beg more. Didn’t call him wanton or whore. HYDRA had turned those delicious words into weapons, and Steve refused to wound Bucky. 

Steve babbled sweet nothings into Bucky’s ear as he stretched him. When he finally pushed inside the tight heat of Bucky’s body, his mind supplied a litany of all the filthy things Bucky used to say. Steve let his head fall into the crook of Bucky’s neck and focused on the present. It wasn’t the same, but it was Bucky. That was enough.

*

When Bucky and Steve got off the elevator, they were holding hands. The wrinkles around Steve’s eyes suggested he was still distracted, but the sadness had eased a bit. Beside him, Bucky looked like someone wandering the city after a disaster, thankful to have survived but still unsure of what had been lost. Nonetheless, they were holding hands, so Natasha considered her mission accomplished.

“How’d she do?” Bucky asked, eyes searching the open floor plan for the third time in as many seconds.

“She did fine,” Natasha said. “She watched me and Wanda workout until Wanda had to go. After that, I decided to dance to get some more cardio.”

Bucky was already on his way to the hallway, dragging Steve along, nodding in a way that Natasha knew meant he wasn’t listening. “Wait a minute,” she said.

Bucky spun on his feet, his eyes crinkled with worry as they turned to the redhead. “What happened?”

“Nothing bad. I just didn’t realize that she hadn’t really heard music before.”

Bucky blinked. Ana hadn’t heard music? The idea of it seemed absurd until he considered it. Her father had given her over to HYDRA so young. She probably didn’t remember much from her childhood. Once HYDRA had her, he doubted there was more than a handful of opportunities to listen to music. The few memories he had of music during his days as the Winter Soldier were confined to what his handlers listened to in transit to and from missions. 

Except, he had memories of Ana and music. He closed his eyes and reached for them. There weren’t many. All of them involved him being in bed with Ana, after missions that took too long or demanded too much. Ana holding him, stroking his hair, and...humming. No words, just affectionate notes that reverberated through his bones and made it possible to sleep again.

“How did she react?” Steve asked, drawing Bucky’s attention back into the kitchen.

“She loved it,” Natasha said. “She’s been in the bedroom with headphones on ever since. JARVIS had the bright idea to let her listen to all of our personal playlists to see what she liked.” Natasha rolled her eyes. She always thought JARVIS was a little too lax with his privacy policy. “She’s got a great voice.” 

“Thank you for taking care of her,” Bucky said. He was polite enough to wait for Natasha's wordless nod before darting back toward the hallway.

Ana’s voice lilted, then burst into passion.  
_“I can't lose hope, what's left of my heart's still made of gold._  
_And I know that I'm still fucked up, but aren't we all, my love?_  
_Darling, our scars make us who we are, are._  
_So when the winds are howling strong and you think you can't go on, hold tight, sweetheart._  
_You'll find a rainbow, rainbow, baby._  
_Trust me, I know life is scary but just put those colors on, girl._  
_Come and play along with me tonight._  
_You gotta learn to let go, put the past behind you._  
_Trust me, I know, the ghosts will try to find you, but just put those colors on, girl._  
_Come and paint the world with me tonight.”_

Her voice faded to a murmur and then a hum. Bucky had tears in his eyes. Steve smiled at him, sweet and accepting, then pulled him into a hug. Bucky sniffled and sighed. When they pulled apart, Bucky wiped his eyes dry. “I’ll go tomorrow. I’ll cover Tony. As long as Nat is ok with keeping her company.”

“If Ana is more comfortable with Nat, that’s fine, but I’ll be here, Bucky. I’ll take care of her. If that’s ok with her and you.”

Bucky planted a kiss on Steve’s lips. “Thank you.”

“JARVIS,” Ana’s voice came from behind the closed door. They didn’t hear JARVIS answer, but he must have replied in the headphones because Ana spoke again. “What’s a rainbow?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I gave myself feels with this chapter. Hope you liked it. 
> 
> I made a playlist with some of the songs I imagine Ana listening to. If you don't know, she was singing 'Rainbow' by Kesha, which is included in the playlist. [Check it out!](https://mmjgregory.tumblr.com/post/174514618982/buckys-other-name-youtube)  
> Next Chapter: Steve takes care of Ana while Bucky is away. She has a nightmare that reveals something not even Bucky knows. 
> 
>  
> 
> [Tumblr](https://mmjgregory.tumblr.com/)  
> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/mmjgwrites)  
> [Blog](https://mmjgregorywrites.wordpress.com/)


	8. Ana's Secret

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While Bucky is on a mission, Steve and Ana spend some time together. Ana has a nightmare that reveals a part of her past Bucky doesn't know about.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some traumatic memories are raised here involving HYDRA. I don't want to go into too much detail because spoilers, but if you are concerned about triggers, feel free to contact me. My info is on my profile.
> 
> It's late, so if you catch any typos I missed, feel free to let me know.

Steve promised Bucky that he was going to take care of Ana. He meant to keep that promise. Reconnecting with Bucky physically had helped ease some of his concerns, but he still had a few. He wanted to use Bucky’s absence to get to know Ana better, but that wasn’t going so well. 

Bucky had left before dawn. He shared a kiss with Steve and asked again if he was sure he didn’t mind watching over Ana. Their goodbye only lasted a couple of minutes. It took Ana nearly half an hour to let go of Bucky, but when there was no more time to waste, Ana released him with a peck on the cheek and a concerned stare that reminded Steve of Peggy.

After that, Ana went back to bed. Steve checked on her when she didn’t come out for breakfast, but let her be when he found her still and quiet, cocooned in the blankets of the bed she shared with Bucky. As lunch approached, he went into their room again. She was in the exact same position. This time, Steve fully entered, closing the door behind him and walking around the bed. 

Ana wasn’t asleep. Her eyes were swollen and red but open. Half of her pillow was wet with tears and more streamed from her irritated eyes. 

“Ana?” Steve’s stomach twisted with guilt. He had been jealous of her slumber, wishing he could sleep the dangerous hours of Bucky’s departure away instead of imagining all the things that could be going wrong. He should have been comforting her instead of assuming she was unconscious and leaving her to suffer alone while he stewed.

Ana didn’t answer him, gave no indication that she even heard him call her name. Steve was kneeling right in front of her, but her stare went straight through him. Her breathing was normal. Her nose wasn’t running, but the tears kept pouring. “Ana. Come on. You’re not alone. It’s going to be ok.”

Steve swept away a lock of hair that had fallen in front of her face, cupped her cheek in his hand. He rubbed his thumb against her skin and waited. A minute passed and then another before her eyes blurred beneath a rapid series of blinks. “Yasha? Is Yasha back?”

Steve folded his lips in, wondered if he should have asked Bruce what to do before bringing her back to the present. “No. It’s only been a couple of hours, but you missed breakfast and now it’s lunchtime. You need to eat. Will you come eat lunch with me?”

Ana’s eyes fell away. “Do I have to?”

Steve grimaced. He knew asserting her will and desires was part of her therapy. Honestly, she didn’t seem to have much trouble with that. Once she realized she had a choice, she made it happily, though in group situations she often submitted to whatever Bucky or the majority seemed to want. 

“You don’t have to come to the table, but you do have to eat,” Steve said, keeping his voice somewhere between caring and authoritative.

“Ok.”

“Does anything sound good? I’ll get you whatever you want.”

Ana shrugged. “Anything is fine, s--” Her voice caught. “Steve. Anything is fine, Steve.”

Careful not to indicate that he found her words amiss, Steve pulled his hand away and stood up. “I’ll be right back. Tell Jarvis if you think of something you want or if need me to come back. Ok?”

“Yes, Steve.”

With the door closed behind him, Steve sighed to the empty hallway. Ana hadn’t called anyone besides Bucky “sir” in nearly a week, but he was pretty sure that was what had almost slipped from her tongue. Given Bucky’s absence, that probably meant she was associating Steve with her HYDRA handlers and damn if that didn’t sting. Of course, he hadn’t been exactly kind to her. Then again, she did call Bucky that, so it couldn’t be all bad. Steve shook the thoughts from his head and went to the blissfully empty kitchen.

Jarvis interrupted him while he was trying to figure out how to fit a plate of diced cheese onto the already filled tray. There were grapes and sliced strawberries, mixed nuts, two types of crackers, three protein bars, baby carrots, cut celery, a banana, lunch meat, and a jug of water. Basically anything that was in the fridge that could easily be eaten in bed was now on the tray.

“Yes, Jarvis?” Steve asked, frozen between dropping the cheese to run back to the bedroom and actually waiting to see what Jarvis said.

“Miss Ana has requested soup. She says any kind will do, but she enjoyed the chicken noodle soup Doctor Banner made last night.”

Steve felt his muscles relax. He smiled as he answered Jarvis, already pulling the leftovers from the fridge. “Tell her the soup's coming right up.”

“Right away, Captain Rogers.”

Eight minutes later, Steve reopened the bedroom door, one large, overstuffed tray tucked under his arm. Ana sat up when she saw him and scooted herself against the headboard. Her eyes bulged when she saw the plethora of food. 

“I have to eat all of it?” she asked. There was an edge of fear in her voice, one that said it wouldn’t be the first time food was forced upon her.

“No. Of course not. I wanted you to have options, that’s all.”

Her body shivered with relief. “Thank you, s-- Steve.”

“My pleasure.”

After an hour, she had drunk half the water, eaten most of the bowl of soup, and nibbled away three cheddar cubes and two strawberry slices. Once she declared herself full, Steve polished off the rest of the tray in fifteen minutes. His speed eating earned a giggle from Ana, one that cut off with a choked gasp and sent her eyes down to her lap.

“You’re allowed to laugh at me, Ana. Goodness knows Bucky does it all the time.”

She nodded but didn’t look up.

“I mean it. You don’t have to be scared of me.”

She glanced up then, but barely. “I’m not Yasha," she said. "You don’t trust me. You don’t like me.”

Steve could hardly argue with her conclusions given how he had behaved. “Bucky trusts you. He-- He likes you. That’s enough for me. I know I haven’t been very nice to you, haven’t given you a reason to trust me, but I will be better from now on. You have my word.”

“I do trust you,” Ana said, even met his eyes to make the point. “As you said. Yasha trusts you. That’s enough for me.”

Steve nodded his understanding. “I’d like to know more about you. If you’re willing to share. You don’t have to, but I think it would help me.”

“I’ve been talking about myself a lot lately,” Ana said.

“Of course. I shouldn’t have asked. I’m sorry.”

“No, no. It’s ok. I just meant that it’s easier now because I’ve been doing it so much,” Ana said. Steve was going to respond, offer to share his own story first, but then Ana took a deep breath like she was preparing herself, so he stayed quiet.

“I don’t remember much of my life before HYDRA. I remember I traveled from Russia to America once. I remember going to the park and eating lunch near a pond. I remember my mother's laugh. I don’t remember what she looked like, but her laugh, I remember that. She died when I was still young. I wasn’t ten yet. By my tenth birthday, I was with HYDRA." Ana's brow wrinkled with that thought, but she didn't linger on it.

"I don’t know how she died. I think it was an accident. All I remember was how angry my father was. He wasn’t just indifferent. He despised me, hated my presence. He didn’t even say goodbye. A man came and pulled me out of bed, said my father had given me to him as a gift. It must have been true because my father just stood there and watched him drag me away.

“For a long time, I was passed around. They turned me into a doll. A doll that could feel. It wasn’t all bad at first. Some of the men offered gentle touches and small kindnesses, a sweet treat or a room with a window. But the older I got, the less that happened.

“When the experiments started, it was a relief. The pain was less personal. But after the serum, that changed. I healed quickly enough that the pain became meditative, pleasurable even. Many of the men who liked my pain stopped coming, disgusted by my new ability, though a few of them delighted in it even more.

“It wasn’t until Yasha that…. Well, they told me I was his plaything now. We lived in a place between pleasure and pain, trapped but free to explore one another. He didn’t hurt me like they did. I think it helped him to have something to...control, to protect. And I tried to be his safe space. They hurt him so much. All the time. But he was everything that was good in my life. Every moment of joy that I remember is tied up in Yasha, but I represent every bad thing that ever happened to him.”

Ana’s tears hadn’t flowed while she was eating lunch or as she started to tell her story, not until she talked about Bucky, about Yasha. Steve’s eyes were stinging, but he was determined to keep his focus on her emotions, not his.

“I know you think I'm bad for him," she said. "Maybe you believe he's bad for me too. But imagining a life without him…. It’s not a life I want to live. I know it's selfish. He has you. He has all these friends. He had a life before and his memories keep coming back. They’re happy memories of a good life. He would be happy with you. Your life together would be good and whole. You would be happy. But I don't know how to let go. I can’t. There's nothing for me to remember, no one looking for me. He’s all I have.”

Ana was quiet long enough that the strain in Steve’s throat started to ease. He was trying to find the words to say when she wiped away a few tears and started again. 

“He always talked about you, remembered you,” Ana said.

Just like that, Steve’s throat tightens again. There had always been hints that Bucky remembered him even when he was the Winter Soldier. A few random stories Bucky told in therapy or when Brock Rumlow mentioned it to stop Steve punching him, but Steve never pressed Bucky about the decades he had spent as the Asset. He wanted Bucky to know he was good and worthy no matter what memories he carried, no matter which ones had been taken away. Now, Ana was offering him insight into that time. Steve thought he should stop her, let Bucky tell him if he ever wanted to, but he couldn’t bring himself to speak up.

Ana smiled at something Steve couldn't see. “In the beginning and when they didn’t wipe him for a while, he'd talk about the skinny blonde kid he grew up with in Brooklyn. How you changed after the serum. How he’d followed you into battle. How he loved you. They took more and more of his past, but you were always there. I swear I'm not trying to take him away from you. He needs you as much as I need him.”

Somewhere in all of those words, Steve started to cry. “You’re right," he said. "He had a life with me before. A wonderful life. A life I miss every day. We grew up together, Ana, but…. I was in the ice while you were spending your lives together. You’ve spent more years with him than I have. He wouldn't be happy with just me. He wasn't happy before he found you again, not completely. He was never going to stop looking for you.”

One of Ana’s eyebrows quirked up. “Looking for me?”

Steve wiped at his drying cheeks. “He hasn't told you?”

Ana shook her head.

“He didn't tell me until after we found you, but he's been looking for you ever since he escaped. He thought…. Well, he didn’t think he’d find you alive, but he wasn't going to stop until he found you.”

Ana’s eyes filled again, but the tears didn’t fall. Her vision must have been blurry behind the moisture. “He looked for me?”

Steve nodded. “Yeah. He loves you. Of course he looked for you.”

Ana took a deep breath that shuddered as it left her, taking all her tears with it. “Thank you. Thank you for telling me.”

Quiet, slightly awkward moments followed that conversation as they adjusted to what was said. Steve felt like he had been to confession and come out clean on the other side. Whatever the future held, he was glad Ana would be there.

Some of the time was whittled away with clearing away crumbs, taking dishes to the sink, and refilling the water jug. Besides a trip to the bathroom, Ana did not leave the bed and nothing Steve suggested enticed her away from it.

“How about a movie? You’ve got a lot of pop culture to catch up on.”

Ana agreed to that but it was another half hour of Steve asking questions and scrolling through the endless options Jarvis had to offer before they actually started watching ‘The Princess Bride’. Ana enjoyed the movie until the scene with the Rodents of Unusual Size. Suddenly, she was biting her lip and looking away from the projected screen.

“Everything ok?” Steve asked after pausing the movie.

“Yes,” she said, picking at the edge of the blanket on her lap.

“Ana.”

She closed her eyes against his knowing tone. “It’s just…. I know he’s doing good things now. He’s helping. So it’s worth it. I shouldn’t…. Is he ok? Do you know where he is? Is it especially dangerous?”

Steve’s eyes went to the clock on the dresser, though he had been glancing at it enough to know what time it was, approximately where Bucky was at the moment, just how much danger he was probably in. “I…. I can’t tell you, but yes, I know where he’s at. I won’t say it isn’t dangerous, but what Bucky is best at doesn’t require him to be in the middle of everything. He keeps other people safe from afar. If there’s reason to worry, we’ll know. Won’t we, Jarvis?”

Ana tilted her head to the ceiling, waiting for the response.

“Yes, Captain. At the moment, the mission is on schedule and running smoothly.”

Steve grinned with relief, but also at the layman’s terms Jarvis used. “See? If there’s anything to worry about, we’ll know because Jarvis keeps tabs on all the action. Ok?”

“Ok. That’s good,” Ana said though she didn’t look all that settled. Her hand went back to the edge of the blanket.

“Come here,” Steve said, scooting closer to her and wrapping an arm around her shoulders. 

Ana leaned into his embrace and her hands stopped fidgeting.

“More movie?”

She nodded and Jarvis took the cue to unpause the action. Steve’s lips were hovering above Ana’s hair before he realized what he was doing. He turned his head and rested it against hers instead of planting a kiss.

After ‘The Princess Bride’, they started watching Charlie Chaplin movies. They weren’t exactly catching up on modern culture, but they were both laughing and relaxed, so Steve didn’t worry about it.

An hour or so after sunset, Natasha knocked on the door and came in with a pizza, two salads, and several bottles of water. She invited Ana to work out with her after dinner. Ana declined, which was fine, but Nat said the invitation was always open. Steve asked Nat for movie suggestions. Natasha’s gaze flicked between them for a moment before she decided on ‘A League of Their Own’.

When the credits started rolling, Ana and Steve agreed that Natasha had great taste in movies. Ana took the time to brush her teeth and change into fresh pajamas while Steve took care of the remains of dinner. Ana was already snuggled into her cocoon when he came back from the kitchen, so he got started on his own nighttime routine. 

As he was spitting out a stinging swirl of mouthwash, he heard Ana asking Jarvis for a mission update. Steve stood still, waiting for the answer. Bucky and Tony had to be engaged by now, would be for the next several hours. If Jarvis told her that, Steve doubted she’d get any sleep.

“Still smooth and on schedule, Miss Ana.”

Steve let out a breath as Ana thanked Jarvis. By the time he joined her in bed, her breaths rose and fell with the rhythm of deep sleep.

*

Steve woke to nails scraping across his face. Ana’s breaths came hot and fast against his skin, then tore away. A fleece blanket trailed across his face as panicked screeching hit his ears.

“Moy rebenok! Pozhaluysta, dayte mne moyego rebenka!” Ana panted into the night. “YA budu khorosh. Klyanus'! Prosto, pozhaluysta, day mne moyego rebenka!”

Steve tore the blanket away and freed himself from the tangle of sheets and comforter. Ana thrashed against the soft swell of covers, a noise somewhere between a whine and a howl poured out of her. 

“Moy rebenok! Pozhaluysta. Pozhaluysta.”

Steve pulled the blankets from her body, touched her shoulders and arms and face with gentle pressure, chanting her name as she came back to herself. Ana’s eyes opened all at once, but it took a moment for them to focus on Steve.

“Hey. There you are. It’s ok. You’re ok. It was just a dream.”

Ana’s whole face scrunched at that declaration, but she nodded anyway. She twisted out from under Steve and sat on the side of the bed. Without a word, she walked into the bathroom and closed the door behind her. 

Steve listened to the bath water run as he thought about what Ana had screamed. He didn’t know Russian, but between Natasha and Bucky he had picked up a few phrases. One of the words Ana said sounded familiar. Rebenok. Natasha called Clint that sometimes when he was making a big deal out of something she thought was silly. The water was still running, so Steve risked asking.

“Jarvis, was she saying something about a baby?”

“Yes, Captain. She was begging for her baby. She said she would be good and begged for her baby.”

Steve covered his eyes with the heels of his hands though the room was already dark around him. “Ok.” The word came out of him unbidden. There was nothing he could say to that translation, to what it meant. 

As the noise of the water shifted to the pitch that meant the tub was nearly full, Steve thought of another question to ask while he was alone. “Anything I should know about the mission?”

“The second target is taking longer to locate than anticipated, but there is no reason for concern.”

“Thank you.”

A quarter of an hour had passed since the tap turned off, but Steve hadn’t heard another peep from the bathroom. No lazy splashes or drains being pulled or cabinets closing. Nothing. He couldn’t risk it anymore. Steve knocked and waited for ten silent seconds before opening the door, relieved that it wasn’t locked, and more relieved when he found Ana alive, though not well.

Her eyes were red and watery once more. She sat curled into herself on the tile next to the tub full of water. She didn’t complain when he sat next to her and pulled her into his lap, wiping away her tears as quickly as they came.

When her breathing is even again, he asks. He hates himself for it, but he has to ask. “Did the baby live, Ana?”

Her breath stops then. She stiffens in his arms. For too long, everything is rigid. Then, Ana backs out of his arms, scrambling across the floor until she hits the cabinets beneath the sink. She shakes her head like she’s surrounded by hornets, then drops to her hands and knees like she’s praying. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I tried. I promise. I tried. Please don’t tell Yasha. Please. Please. I’m so sorry.”

Steve takes his time gathering her back into his arms, keeping his words hushed and serene. Finally, she lets him hold her. “You’re safe, Ana. Calm down, sweetheart. Take your time. Tell me what happened. You don’t have to carry this alone. You’re safe.” She’s so still, Steve thinks she’s fallen back asleep, but she starts talking. 

“At first the kept me on birth control, but the last few years they were doing things to boost my fertility. They wanted to see if the serum traits would be passed down through pregnancy. They kept me away from Yasha a lot. Didn’t worry about wiping him so much. But they always made sure to wake him up when I was ovulating. No matter what they did, I kept miscarrying. I never told Yasha. I never got past the first trimester, so there was nothing to tell. But then…. They wiped him after he came back from a mission. They rarely did that, especially if they let him see me. It was a quick visit, but he was still blank from the wipe. They sent him out again almost immediately. It must have been when they sent him after you because he never came back. But the doctors were happy because the pregnancy took. I got all the way to the third trimester.

“I went into labor early, but not too early. Only…. My body kept healing instead of dilating. The baby went into distress, so they did a C-section. But, it didn’t work. Afterward, they said they thought the hormones must have kicked the healing factor into overdrive because my skin was healing as soon as they cut it. When they finally got him out, he was…. Our baby was dead.”

Ana’s voice was a broken scar. “He looked just like Bucky. He was so beautiful. But he was dead and they wouldn’t--" Ana whimpered and inhaled hard. "They wouldn’t let me hold him. They put him in a bag and took him away.”

Ana’s fists were curled into Steve’s shirt, her forehead hard against his chest. “Please. Please don’t tell Yasha. It’s my fault. If I had stayed calm, our boy would be alive. I know that. I know it. The serum wouldn’t let him out because I was scared. I was scared and my fear killed him. Please don’t tell. Please.” 

Steve wrapped Ana into a hug, but she wouldn’t stop pleading. It wasn’t a secret that should be kept from Bucky, but it also wasn’t his secret to tell. “Ok, Ana. Shh. It’s ok. I won’t tell him. I promise. I won’t tell him.”

Even in the midst of her thankful words and grateful gasps, Steve knew the knowledge would fester inside of him. It wouldn’t stay secret forever. He could only hope Ana found the strength to tell Bucky soon.

She fell asleep in his arms. Eventually, Steve got them back to bed. She rolled back toward him when they hit the mattress, cuddling into the safety of his arms. Guilt stabbed at Steve’s chest. He wished he didn’t feel so damned thankful that the baby didn’t make it. It’s a horrible thought, but when he considers what HYDRA would have done with a serum-enhanced baby, what they would have done with Ana, he’s thankful that they didn’t get the chance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh. Steve and Ana were not the only ones crying during the making of this chapter.  
> I, for one, am so glad they are finally on the same page. I hope you like the Steve/Ana dynamic I'm setting up.
> 
> Comments give me life and youth and help me make more words. :-)
> 
> Next Chapter: Bruce discovers something unique about Ana's healing ability. Smut.
> 
> Russian translations:  
> Moy rebenok! Pozhaluysta, dayte mne moyego rebenka! | My child! Please give me my baby!  
> YA budu khorosh. Klyanus'! Prosto, pozhaluysta, day mne moyego rebenka! | I'll be good. I swear! Just, please, give me my baby!  
> Moy rebenok! Pozhaluysta. Pozhaluysta. | My child! Please. Please.
> 
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	9. Sweet Relief

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ana is aghast at what her nightmare revealed. Bruce has a hypothesis about Ana's mental health. Bucky comes home and receives a double dose of sexy times.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These chapters keep getting longer on me. Russian translations are in the end notes!

_She fell asleep in his arms. Eventually, Steve got them back to bed. She rolled back toward him when they hit the mattress, cuddling into the safety of his arms. Guilt stabbed at Steve’s chest._

_He wished he didn’t feel so damned thankful that the baby didn’t make it. It’s a horrible thought, but when he considers what HYDRA would have done with a serum-enhanced baby, what they would have done with Ana, he’s thankful that they didn’t get the chance._

***

When Ana woke, it was still dark. Beside her, Steve’s breaths escaped in hot huffs that made goosebumps erupt on her neck. His muscled weight and unnatural warmth reminded her of sleeping with Yasha but without the long hair tickling her face or the metal arm cooling her beneath the blankets.

The barrenness of life without Yasha made her insides turn to ash. The possibility of losing him so soon after getting him back is terrifying. Her chest stings at the hazard. He’s supposed to be home soon and Ana wants to ask for an update from Jarvis, but she doesn’t want to risk waking Steve from the depth of his slumber. She doesn’t want to see his disgust, even though she deserves it. His arm is around her waist, pulling their bodies together and somehow managing not to crush her. For all their strength and grit, Yasha and Steve both manage to be gentle giants. Being encased in Steve’s arms would make her feel safe if not for the nightmare that had betrayed her.

Had it been dumb luck that she hadn’t had the vicious dream since moving into the tower or had her subconscious taken Yasha’s absence as permission to unleash the memory of her worst day? Either way, she wished Steve hadn’t witnessed it. He promised he wouldn’t tell Yasha, but he probably agreed to that just to calm her. The dream revealed all the worst ways that she was broken and unsafe. She had killed their baby. She didn’t deserve Yasha and now Steve knew.

The modicum of comfort offered by Steve’s embrace evaporated, leaving despair in its wake. She had to get out of his grip and find out if Yasha was ok. Ana lifted her head from where it rested on Steve’s bicep and found a sizable portion of her hair trapped beneath his shoulder, enough to sting and pull some strands out when she moved. She bit her lip and took a breath, lifting Steve’s arm and rolling away from him as fluidly as she could manage.

She stayed on the bed, facing Steve and ready to feign sleep if he awoke. The arm that had been slung around her had flopped on the bed when she released it, a harsh plop in the quiet darkness. Ana’s head stung where her hair had been trapped and the room was too cold without Steve’s warmth enveloping her, but his eyes didn’t open and his breathing staggered for just a moment, so she dropped off the side of the bed convinced he was still asleep.

Her hand was on the bedroom doorknob when his voice startled her out of confidence. She jumped at the sound and whirled around. Not only was he awake, he was standing just a few steps away. “Where are you going?” he asked.

Ana’s jaw worked as she sought a believable answer. “Um. I-- I have a meeting with Dr. Banner. Bruce. I forgot.”

“At four in the morning?” Steve’s voice was raspy and dull with tiredness but not without an edge of sarcasm. Ana wished she could see his expression but the room was too dark.

“No. Uh, it was yesterday. I was supposed to see him yesterday, but then, well, Yasha left and-- I need to reschedule with him.”

“That can wait until breakfast.”

Ana didn’t know if Steve’s eyesight was any better than hers, but the need to show deference insisted she drop her head and clasp her hands behind her back. “Yes, sir.”

Steve inhaled and exhaled loud enough for her to hear. He closed the space between them and placed a hand on her neck and nudged until she looked up. It was easier to make out the details of his face now, and she thought he looked sympathetic.

“Were you really going to find Bruce?” he asked.

“I-- I do need to do that. But, no.”

“So where were you going?”

“I don’t know. I wanted to ask Jarvis about Yasha, but I didn’t want to wake you up.”

Steve nodded. “Jarvis?”

Jarvis answered immediately. “They are delayed but not in undue danger, Miss Ana.”

“Delayed how much?” Steve asked.

“I estimate eight to twelve hours, Captain.”

Steve’s brow scrunched then relaxed as he took in the information. Ana wanted to ask what would be keeping them, but he had already said he couldn’t share the details of the mission. Instead, she tilted her further into Steve’s hand. She tried to find assurance in his calm expression and soft touch and not think too much about what Jarvis meant by “undue danger”. 

It worked long enough for her to fill her lungs a few times. Steve’s fingers massaged her neck then wandered until his palm was on her cheek. He placed his other hand on her waist and started to guide her into a hug. Ana was almost flush against his chest when she remembered.

He knew about the baby. 

She craved caring touches. Yasha was just as starved for it as she was and she had accepted every bit of contact from him with gratitude. Steve proved himself more than willing to offer the same in Yasha’s absence, whether or not he actually wanted to. It was easy to be selfish before, but now Steve knew. And he would tell Yasha. How could he not? She wasn’t entitled to consolement, even if it was contrived.

She flinched in Steve’s closing arms. He froze around her and she rushed away until her back hit the bedroom door. Maybe now he would give her what she deserved. No more touching her like something worth cherishing. Not the harsh, luscious pain she desired so intensely either. She deserved to be beaten without the promise of pleasure. She deserved agony. What kind of monster kills their child? It would be a relief she was unworthy of, to have Steve look at her with derision and destroy her piece by piece. 

“Ana?” His voice had lost the scratch of sleep but held a gentle pitch. 

Being treated with kindness was its own torture. “Please stop,” Ana begged. “You don’t have to do that. Don’t pretend.”

“What are you talking about?” Steve asked, still sounding like she was a good person he was worried about.

“You know about the baby! You know what I did. You don’t have to be nice to me. I know you’re going to tell him. Just please! Don’t pretend like you don’t know.”

“Ana, I told you I’m not going to tell him.” He stepped closer but stopped when she dropped to her knees.

“Stop! Steve, stop pretending! I don’t deserve him. I don’t deserve anything. Punish me. Leave me somewhere to rot. Just please take care of him. Stop pretending. Pozhaluysta. Pozhaluysta.”

Ana curled into herself when she felt the hand on the back of her head. Steve’s touch was as gentle as his voice. She shook her head, mumbled more pleas for the mercy to stop. The hand left her head. Her eyes were shut tight and her forehead was on the ground, but she tracked his footsteps into the bathroom. The click of the light switch sounded and the world brightened behind her eyelids.

She tried to think of everything she had seen in the bathroom, which objects could be used to torture her. Numbness stretched across her body, but she willed it away. She didn’t want her mind to protect her from the pain he would inflict.

The bath tap hissed as it released a deluge of water. Briefly, Ana wondered if the water would freeze or burn her, but she dismissed the thought. It didn’t matter. 

Steve kneeled in front of her and hooked his hands beneath her armpits. Clearly, he thought he would have to force her to her fate, but she unfurled from her spot on the floor and went into the bathroom willingly then stood with her hands at her sides and her head down, waiting for instructions that never came.

Steve started to undress her. Ana didn’t know exactly what he wanted, so she simply complied with his unspoken commands, lifting arms and feet when appropriate until her skin was bare. When the bath was near full, he turned off the tap and placed a hand at the bottom of her back. She took the wordless instruction and lifted a leg to step into the bath, bracing herself for whatever temperature she was about to meet.

Hot. It was hot but not scalding. Barely hot. Warm without any burning. Ana stood there, one foot in and one foot out, too shocked to move. Surely, he must have another plan. She looked around for a razor or something electrical. But there was nothing but body wash and hair products and loofahs. Steve still refused to damage her. Why?

“Go on, Ana. Get in. Sit down.”

When she did, he grabbed a few of the bottles and put them on the floor then sat cross-legged beside them.

“Are you waiting for Yasha to punish me?” Ana hated how weak her voice sounded. She wanted the question to show her willingness to submit to what she was due, but the way it came out was scrounging and pathetic.

Steve touched her again, holding her chin in his hand, gentle and kind. “Listen to me, Ana. You aren’t getting punished. You did nothing wrong. What happened is not your fault. I do think you should tell Bucky, but I won’t tell him without your permission. I’m not pretending to be nice to you. I’m taking care of you because I want to. Ok?”

Ana swallowed and found her throat raw. All she could do was blink at Steve. He thought it wasn’t her fault, but she had told him. Being in labor scared her and the fear made her body heal faster, trapping her baby inside until he died. It was her fault from every angle. But if Steve truly wasn’t going to tell Yasha, if he was going to keep pretending like everything was ok…. 

It was selfish and wrong to take advantage of Steve’s misunderstanding, but Ana already knew she would. 

Steve smiled at her, a sad curve that didn’t reach his eyes. He rubbed a thumb across her cheeks, wiping away tears she hadn’t realized she shed. His hand went back to the curve of her neck, then he leaned over the edge of the tub and kissed her forehead.

“It’s going to be ok. You’re going to be ok. All right?”

Ana nodded.

Steve guided her back to get her hair wet. He sat her back up and washed and conditioned her long strands like it was a meditative practice. Ana gave way to his attention and the sound of the water as her mind tumbled between the guilt and relief warring within. When the conditioner was rinsed away, her hair became a silk curtain around her shoulders. 

His hands did not come back to her. Ana drew her knees to her chest and curled around them. When he still did not react, she opened her eyes and found him looking uncertainly at the bottle of body wash. Another minute passed, then Steve opened the drain and put the bottles back in their places. Ana felt dirty but not in a way that had anything to do with dirt, so she did not complain. 

*

Steve took his time preparing her for the day, trying to hide his moments of hesitation from her. He dried her skin with a fluffy towel but ignored the lotion on the counter. He picked out a cozy outfit for her to wear and dressed her, whipping his head to the side as he slipped her panties on. With each step, Ana’s body released some of the rigid tension it was holding onto. By the time he finished combing out her hair, her eyes were glazed and her shoulders slumped. “Come on, sweetie. Breakfast will start soon,” he said.

Ana nodded and accepted his hand to get up. He wrapped an arm around her waist and she leaned against his side as they walked to the kitchen.

They were halfway down the hall before Steve realized the endearment he had used. For a moment, he felt something akin to panic, but it faded when he looked at Ana nestled beside him. He didn’t know what was happening between them, but whatever it may be was bound to be better than forcing Bucky to choose between them.

They were the first ones in the kitchen, so Steve deposited Ana at the table, got her a glass of water, started the coffee machine, and loaded the toaster. While the bread cooked, he got out all of the coffee fixings and some fruit. The second batch of bread was in the toaster when Ana came into the kitchen.

“I want to help,” she said.

“Ok. Can you butter the toast for me? There should be a couple of sticks under there.” He nodded when Ana touched the domed lid of the butter dish and watched while she grabbed a knife and started dressing each slice generously. The scrunch of concentration on her face made him smile. Once the third and final batch was out of the toaster, he washed the fruit and filled two platters with it. 

Natasha came in next. Ana thanked her for bringing them dinner the night before while Steve poured coffee into Nat’s favorite mug. He swirled two raw sugars into it before handing it over. Natasha raised an eyebrow at him when he said good morning, her eyes flicking to Ana. Whatever question Nat was asking, Steve didn’t have the facial control to answer it without words, so he stayed silent.

He was rescued from her stare when Wanda and Vision walked in with Bruce. The witch and the mild-mannered doctor were surprised to find their breakfast preparation tasks being handled by others.

“It’s just toast and fruit,” Steve said, holding his hands up in surrender. “You still get to do all the oven and stove stuff.” Bruce laughed and Wanda muttered something about being thankful there’d be no shells in the eggs.

By the time Bruce and Wanda added hashbrowns and a veggie quiche to the table, Sam and Rhodey had come in from their run.

Steve elbowed Sam in the seat next to him. “I take a couple days off and you already have a new running partner, huh?” 

“Yep,” Sam said unapologetically. “I’m thinking about keeping him too. Rhodey doesn’t mock. _On your left. On your left._ ”

Ana laughed at Sam’s near-perfect impression of Steve’s voice.

“Oh, you think that’s funny, do you?” Steve asked, grinning at her mirth. Ana laughed harder at his mock outrage. “Why I oughta….” Steve said, digging his fingers into her ribs and tickling her into a renewed fit of giggles.

Ana pushed away his hand, but he just reached around and attacked her other side. “I give up. I surrender,” she said as her laughter turned to gasps. Steve relented, rubbing her back as she caught her breath. 

His grin rolled in on itself when he turned back to the table. There was amusement on his friends’ faces but confusion too. It was no wonder given how sullen he had been. In little more than a day, he went from despising Ana to tolerating her to...what? Being her friend? That label didn’t feel quite right. Her confidant? Her protector? Those were closer to the truth.

Natasha’s gaze was trained on him. She didn’t need to raise an eyebrow this time. Steve took a large bite of toast and watched his plate as he chewed.

If Ana noticed a change in the mood of the table, she didn’t show it. “Bruce, I know we had a meeting yesterday. I’m sorry for missing it.”

Bruce waved away her apology. “Not at all. I know Bucky being away is stressful for you. Honestly, I’m glad to see you up and...cheerful. We do need to talk though. Are you up to meeting today?”

Steve’s eyes turned from his plate to Ana. She was looking at him like she was asking permission. “Want me to come with you?” he asked quietly. She nodded and he agreed to accompany her.

“Great,” Bruce said. “After breakfast too soon?”

***

Forty-five minutes later, Steve was sitting next to Ana in Bruce’s office.

“I want to explain this in a way that will make sense,” Bruce said, his nose scrunched as he addressed Ana. “The “trained talker” that you’ve been meeting with, Helen. You remember agreeing to let us talk about your care, right?” 

Ana nodded and Bruce continued. “Well, it still very early on, but we were comparing notes and we’re surprised by the progress you’ve made. You were in a sustained traumatic situation for most of your life. You’ve shown signs of post-traumatic stress disorder but it seems to be a rather mild case considering the circumstances.”

Steve made a noise at that, causing both Ana and Bruce to look at him. “What?” Bruce asked.

“Well, last night-- This morning--”

Ana’s eyes went wide and horrified at his words. Steve closed his mouth, trying to think before he spoke.

He thought back to when Bucky came home, all the pills and sleepless nights and endless therapy sessions. Comparing their behavior without the lens of his distrust, Steve could see how much better Ana was doing. Bruce hadn’t said her PTSD was mild, just mild considering what she had been through. That seemed right.

Bruce tilted his head, calmly waiting for him to finish his sentence. 

“It was kind of like when she first saw Vision,” Steve said, holding back the details of Ana’s freakout.

Bruce nodded. “Episodes like that are to be expected. You should tell Helen about it, Ana, but given how you’ve been this morning, it doesn’t change my hypothesis.”

“What hypothesis?” Ana asked, the horror on her face replaced by curiosity.

“I’ve wondered in the past if the super serum helped Bucky hold onto some of his memories. It’s certainly what the evidence points to, and your healing abilities are even stronger than his or Steve’s.”

“What does that mean?” she asked.

“Jarvis, will you pull up Ana’s brain scans?”

“Right away, Doctor Banner.”

Several images appeared in the air between them. Some were black and white and gray like x-rays. The rest were colored like rainbows. A few of the multicolored images looked like paintings of a human brain, but the rest look like tangled bush branches or a complicated roadmap with every highway tinted a different color.

Bruce made a few hand motions until only the roadmap images were left. “These show the path and activity of the neurotransmitters in your brain. There are synapses where they meet that help us make memories and store information. From what I can tell, your synapses are far more pliable than an ordinary human. I think this allows you to understand and accept new information. You aren’t held back by prior experience, so your behavior can adjust almost seamlessly.”

“I don’t understand” Ana asked.

Bruce nodded sympathetically, his face contorting as he considered a different explanation. “You can adapt to the situation you’re in without the past creeping in. For instance, I expected you to be unable to be in the same room with Vision for months given your first reaction to him, but the very next time you saw him, you not only withstood his presence but became his friend. That’s remarkable.”

Ana’s hands fidgeted in her lap. She got up without saying anything, circling the maps of her brain. After a few minutes, she crossed her arms. “I told you there was nothing wrong with me.”

Bruce’s jaw dropped and he shook his head. Steve could see his mouth trying to form an apology, but Ana wasn’t cross. She was smiling. Steve couldn’t help but laugh. The doctor’s worry turned to a relieved joy when Ana started laughing too. As far as Steve was concerned, Bruce’s hypothesis was right. Ana would be all right. Bucky would be all right. And maybe he would be all right too.

***

Bucky felt good coming home, but he wished he knew how the last two days had gone. When he finally had the time and ability to contact Steve and Ana, Jarvis told him they were both sleeping but assured him that nothing disastrous had happened while he was away. Jarvis’ assessment did little to lessen his worry though. In his time in the tower, Bucky learned that Jarvis’ definition of satisfactory did not always match his own. 

Ana and Steve not killing one another was good, but that hardly meant everything went well. A hundred scenarios of chaos and heartbreak invaded his mind on the quinjet. Thankfully, there wasn’t enough time to relive them all on the elevator.

“They’re still asleep?” Bucky asked a few floors before the doors would open.

“Yes, Sergeant Barnes.”

Bucky sighed and his muscles unclenched. Whatever he was walking into, at least he could get a shower before it all went wrong.

*

The sight of the two people he loved most wrapped in bed together bewitched Bucky. 

They were turned toward one another. Ana was curled into a loose ball with her head on a pillow. Her hair was a tangled mass and her face was buried against Steve’s chest. Steve was on his side, using his own arm as a pillow. He had one leg slung over both of Ana’s and an arm around her waist. They had fallen asleep in their clothes and on top of the blankets. Ana wasn’t one to make the bed, so it must have been Steve’s doing. Had they tried to stay awake for him? 

Bucky’s heart clenched. He felt a warm rush through his core. He didn’t know how the two days had gone but the chances of them unknowingly cuddling against one another in their sleep seemed slim. Steve didn’t let people into his personal space that he did not want there. If they had fallen asleep like that, then maybe Steve really did accept Ana. More than that, maybe they had come to care for one another regardless of Bucky. The possibility was more than he dared to hope. Tolerance was the goal. Friendship was doubtful. Willing affection was preposterous. And yet, there they were.

Bucky expected Steve to sleep in the same room as Ana while he was away, but he imagined Steve in a chair in the corner or slumped against the wall. This was so much better, so much more.

The only ill in the room was the cold air streaming through the vents. The chill in the room wouldn’t bother Steve any more than it bothered Bucky, but it was too much for Ana, even huddled beneath a super soldier. 

Bucky pulled a blanket from the closet and covered the snoozing pair. Steve might not need it for warmth, but the comfort of a blanket was not to be discounted. Satisfied, Bucky went to shower.

*

The spray was hot enough to fill the bathroom with steam by the time Bucky had washed his hair. He did a quick lather across his body to get the worst of the grime off then just stood under the showerhead. The drops toed the line between hard and brutal, massaging knots out of Bucky’s legs and back. Sniping was a game of waiting and aim, but it involved a lot of muscle cramps too.

Bucky didn’t hear the door open, so the voice made him flinch to attention for a split second before he recognized it.

“Buck?”

“Yeah, Stevie. It’s me.” Bucky heard the door click shut and smiled, waiting for Steve to poke his head through the curtain. But the first thing he saw was Steve’s bare leg as he barreled into the shower. “Hey, punk. Watch where you’re going.” 

Steve didn’t reply, just pressed Bucky’s chest until he was backed against the tile and kissed him. Steve’s fingers blazed a path across Bucky’s skin. One hand went down Bucky’s flesh arm while the other skated over the scar tissue on his shoulder before detouring to cradle his face. Bucky stole a wet breath, ignoring the twinge of irritation he always felt when Steve avoided his metal arm. 

He channeled the annoyance into his lips and tongue, turning the kiss into a sparring match. He sucked and bit and overwhelmed Steve into a shuttered groan. Bucky took the opportunity to hold Steve’s hips and turn them so that the blonde was against the wall.

Bucky kept his enhanced fingers on Steve’s hip and wrapped his flesh palm around Steve’s cock. He rubbed up and down once, twice, three times, keeping his grip tight enough to make Steve gasp into his open mouth. He raked the back of his nails against Steve’s sensitive flesh, just enough for him to feel it as they moved down to his sack. Water streamed between Bucky’s fingers and into his hand, adding to the sensation as he cupped Steve’s balls. He pushed the pad of one finger back further, rubbing the thin stretch of skin before Steve’s opening.

Steve’s tongue went still at the combination of touches. Bucky kissed at the corner of his mouth and down his jaw. At the same moment he sunk his teeth into Steve’s shoulder, he moved his hand back to Steve’s cock. He started to kiss down Steve’s body, scraping his teeth over patches of skin to form bruises he knew wouldn’t last the night. 

He dropped one of his knees to the tile but before he could drop the second, Steve was pulling him back up. Bucky raised an inquiring eyebrow. “Don’t want my mouth on you, Stevie?”

Steve’s head bobbed somewhere between a nod and a shake. “I always want your mouth on me. I just want my hands on you more. Want to make you come undone.” Steve punctuated the remark by taking Bucky in hand and jerking over his tip. 

Their moans filled the room as thickly as the steam. A stray thought flitted across Bucky’s mind about how glad he was to live in the tower with its endless supply of hot water. All thoughts of modern plumbing escaped him when Steve put a thumb against his hole. It would be tight with nothing but water to guide the way, but Bucky never minded it rough. He ground into Steve’s hand then rocked back against the invading thumb.

That was all the permission Steve needed. He rubbed and swirled against the sealed skin, coaxing it open with more patience than Bucky expected. Steve hooked his thumb inside and stretched until Bucky tipped his head against the wall. 

“That good for you, Buck? You feel me opening you up?”

Bucky’s mouth was open, but he could only nod wordlessly. A new thought occurred to him, something else to be thankful for--Steve’s blessedly long thumbs. Steve shoved into him properly, fucking him thoroughly even though the intrusion was slim and Bucky was still on his feet. Steve twisted his hand, grazing against the center of Bucky’s pleasure and sending sparks down his legs and up his spine.

Steve’s lips were back on Bucky’s, demanding and needy. The trio of commotion was too much. Bucky wasn’t going to last long after the stress of the mission and leaving them behind. His cock was hard and throbbing in Steve’s hand. Every thrust forward was matched by the shock of pushing back to where Steve plugged him. For all the passion of Steve’s kiss, he managed to fill it with affection and longing too. The combination of it all pulled a sob from Bucky’s throat. 

He loved Steve and Steve loved him. Ana was alive and safe. The water was still hot and his body was one spectacular, thrumming mass of ecstasy. It’s was too much. It was everything. Bucky’s pleasure erupted across his stomach and smeared onto Steve’s skin before being washed away by the water.

Steve held him through the aftershocks of orgasm, moving the hand on his cock to his back to rub along his spine. Bucky whined as Steve pulled out of him, desperate to be filled again despite how sensitive he was. 

The quivering rush subsided and Bucky’s eyes opened to reveal a smiling, flushed Steve. Bucky’s gaze fell between them. The sight of Steve’s erection filled him with a hunger there was only one way to solve. He slipped to his knees, not giving Steve time to decline before he had him in his mouth.

Bucky pushed Steve into the wall and down his throat with one swift movement. As soon as Steve had a grip on his hair, Bucky swallowed until his nose was buried in the soft light brown hair at the base of Steve’s cock. Bucky moved fast and hard, fucking his mouth on Steve until he was a slobbery mess. They had been together long enough for Bucky to know what Steve wanted and how to do it without Steve having to move a muscle. 

Bucky smiled as much as he could with a cock in his mouth when he felt Steve start to ripple over his tongue. He took Steve down to the hilt and moaned so that his throat would vibrate around Steve’s length and reached up to tease his balls.

“Fuck!” Steve cursed as he spilled down Bucky’s throat. 

Bucky’s smile widened as he swallowed and let Steve slip out of his mouth. There were few things he liked more than dragging filthy words from his pure, sweet man. Bucky stood up and pulled Steve into a hug. They rested their heads on each other’s shoulders, kissing and whispering their love. The water never went cold, so it was a long time before they could be convinced to turn off the shower.

When they were mostly dry and towels were folded around their hips, Bucky stood behind Steve and clasped his hands around his waist. “I’m happy to get on my knees for you, Stevie.”

Steve smiled, his reflection peeking through the steam stained mirror. “Asking for round two already?”

Bucky shrugged. “I’m game if you are, but I meant I’m happy to be on my knees whether or not I’m blowing you.”

Steve’s brow scrunched before he turned in Bucky’s arms. His blue eyes searched Bucky’s face before he spoke. “You don’t have to do that. Never again, Bucky. Not after everything that happened. I’m not going to ask that of you. I don’t need it.”

“But you want it,” Bucky said, squeezing his arms around Steve. “And I want it.”

Steve shook his head. “I don’t want to bring up any trauma. It’s not worth it.”

Bucky scowled. “Let me decide what I can handle. You want it and I want it. If that changes I’ll let you know. Otherwise,” he said, knocking his forehead against Steve’s. “Believe me when I say I’m happy to kneel for you, Captain.”

*

Steve’s eyes fell closed at Bucky calling him Captain in that context. Bucky had just choked himself on Steve’s cock and willingly begged for it a few days before. Steve trusted Bucky with everything else. It was time for him to trust that Bucky knew what he wanted in the bedroom. “All right, Buck. I’ll put you on your knees. You’re so pretty when you beg for me. It’ll be so good to see you like that again.”

Bucky kissed him and Steve moaned at the taste of his cum still lingering in Bucky’s mouth. Steve felt himself stiffening and broke off before he could get fully hard. “Come on, Buck. You need to get some sleep.”

Bucky mewled but relented, backing off so Steve could get to the door. Steve opened it slowly, not wanting to wake Ana, but his caution turned out to be unnecessary. 

Ana was right outside the bathroom, but Steve didn’t see her until the door was halfway open because she was kneeling on the floor. Her knees were folded under her and her thighs were spread open. Her palms were face up, resting on her splayed knees. Her head was down, hiding her face behind a curtain of hair. She was fully clothed, but her position was innately sexual and submissive. She was offering herself. 

Steve gulped. There was no stopping his erection now. He hands twitched at his sides. He wanted to reach out and pet her hair, lift her chin, and see just how blown her pupils were.

“Anastasiya,” Bucky said, his voice stilling Steve’s hands.

Ana’s voice was muffled by her hair and strained with desire. “Pozhaluysta, Yasha. Mogu ya kosnut'sya sebya? YA slyshal, kak ty i ya khochu prikosnut'sya. Pozhaluysta.”

Bucky opened the door wider and slipped past Steve, blocking the doorway so that Steve had to move to see Ana. When she was back in sight, Steve was both jealous and aroused to see Bucky’s metal hand running through her hair. Bucky tucked one side of her hair curtain behind her ear and motioned for Ana to lift her head.

When she did, Steve saw that a fantastic blush coating her skin like a rose. Her pupils nearly obscured her irises. Steve’s towel did doing nothing to hide his erection, but neither of them are paying him any attention. 

Bucky’s words sounded slightly slurred when he spoke to her. “Khoroshaya devochka. Vy khotite, chtoby ya zastavil vas chuvstvovat' sebya khorosho?”

“Please, Yasha.”

Steve wondered what Ana was begging so sweetly for while Bucky’s thumb ran across her lips, a gorgeous clash of silver and pink. Ana opened her mouth like it was expected of her and Bucky plunged inside. Ana sucked and moaned around the metal. 

Steve felt impossibly hard. He wanted to taste Bucky’s metal digits, to feel them inside of his body. Almost instantly, he wondered why he hadn’t and the question softens him. He knows Bucky has some feeling in the limb and he clearly enjoys putting it to use, but he never had with Steve. 

A snippet of the conversation they were having before Steve opened the door flits through his mind. _Believe me when I say I’m happy_. Bucky had said almost exactly that months ago, talking about his arm. 

Tony had wanted to make a new arm when all Bucky asked for was to get the star removed. Steve had been on Tony’s side for once, not understanding why Bucky wouldn’t want a limb that didn’t come from HYDRA. 

Bucky mentioned pain and rehabilitation and nerves, but more than anything he just kept saying that he was fine with it and if it didn’t matter to him then it shouldn’t matter to anyone else. Steve and Tony didn’t relent so much as Natasha and Bruce forced them to shut up in the face of Bucky’s unchanging stance.

Steve had treated Bucky’s arm as other, as separate from him, but watching it caress Ana, it was impossible to see it as anything other than Bucky’s arm.

“Do you like being on your knees, sweet girl? Is that still what you want?” Bucky asked Ana.

Ana rocked her hips, humping the open air. “Yes, Yasha. Please. I need you.”

“Come here,” Bucky said, pulling Ana to her feet and snaring her in a kiss. 

Steve grinned at their affection but didn’t regain the hardness he had lost. He waited for them to break for air. The minutes stretched before Steve realized they were breathing every time their heads shifted. There was no indication that they would break apart anytime soon and there was not near enough space for Steve to sneak past them. When Bucky’s hands dropped to Ana’s waistband, Steve cleared his throat in an unnaturally loud cough.

Bucky’s hands froze as their lips parted. They looked at Steve with glassy eyes and puffy lips. They didn’t move, just gazed at Steve with similar blissed expressions.

Ana’s mouth started to form words. Steve rushed to fill the evaporating silence with his own words, more than a little scared of what she might say. “Just need to slip by you two lovebirds real quick.”

Bucky’s throat bobbed and he smiled at Steve, stepping away from the doorway and taking Ana with him. Steve left his clothes discarded on the floor, not wanting to delay his departure.

“Goodnight,” Steve said, shuffling around them. “Morning. Whatever it is. See you at breakfast. Or lunch. Whenever.”

A small, uncalloused hand touched Steve’s arm. He didn’t know what Ana was going to say, what he wanted or didn’t want her to say. Bucky was back and Steve needed to figure out what it was he felt for Ana. He worried her words would unravel their tenuous relationship like a ball of yarn.

Steve turned around, bypassing Bucky’s steel eyes to look at Ana. She twisted in Bucky’s grip, staying within his grasp but freeing herself enough to press a kiss to Steve’s cheek.

“Thank you for taking care of me,” she said.

The fondness etched on Ana’s face was honest and dear. Steve didn’t know if he had earned such favor. He tried to accept her thanks, but the words stuck in his throat. He dropped his eyes to the floor, feeling humbled. He cleared his throat in earnest and met her eyes again. “It was my pleasure, Ana.” He smiled at her, slid the smile toward Bucky, and nearly collapsed when he saw gratitude and devotion written on Bucky’s face instead of the betrayal and anger he half expected. “Goodnight.”

This time, he managed to make it out the door.

*

When the bedroom door closed, Bucky pulled Ana closer. “What happened between you two?” he asked, barely resisting the urge to nibble on her neck as he kissed it.

Ana moaned in a singsong note as if she was an instrument Bucky tuned with his ministrations. “We talked. We watched movies and ate. I don’t know. I think we understand each other better now.”

Bucky hummed against her throat. “You know he wants you, right?”

Ana tilted away from his teasing lips. Her eyes were clearer and more focused than they had been for several minutes. “Is that ok?”

“That’s up to you, sweet girl.” Bucky wouldn’t deny anyone pleasure so richly deserved, especially when the deserving were the people he loved most.

“I want him too, Yasha,” Ana whispered.

“I thought you might,” Bucky said, chuckling at the surprise on her face. “But tonight, you’re all mine.”

Ana moaned appreciatively. Bucky hooked his hands behind her thighs and lifted her until she wrapped her legs around his middle. He crossed the room and dropped her onto the bed. She let out a breathy giggle as he bent over her and got his hands on her waistband. Within seconds, she was naked beneath him.

His hands roamed over the uncovered contours of her body. It had been so long since he had seen her like this, naked and wanting and ready for him. He swirled his tongue along one nipple and then the other, smirking as they stiffened.

Her eyelids were already heavy. She watched him between slow blinks as he rubbed her thighs and pulled her to the edge of the bed. Bucky knelt so that he could see her pretty pink cunt. She glistened with want. Her hole clenched around nothing, asking to be filled. Bucky rubbed his metal thumb through her folds, enjoying her shiver and picking up moisture to spread across her clit. 

“Oh, Yasha. Please.”

“I’ll give you what you want, sweet girl. Be patient.” She was still whining when he licked from her needy hole to the top of her clit. Her thighs closed around him but he pushed them back down. “Be a good girl and stay open for me, Anastasia.” 

Ana bounced a little, struggling to stay still under the mellow assault of his tongue. Her thighs jerked a few times but did not close again. Bucky pushed his tongue inside, fucking her with his tongue. He tasted a small surge of salty-sweet fluid and chased it until Ana started whispering Russian gibberish.

She was wet and open enough that Bucky plunged two metal fingers inside her without warning. There was no hint of pain in the whimper she released. He curled his cold fingers, adding a third to her velvet heat. He used his flesh hand to knead her flesh and tweak her nipples. He wanted to drive her over the edge again and again until she lost all coherence. 

When he found a rhythm that made her thrust away from the bed, he repeated the motion. She quaked and spasmed beneath him as a gush of her cum coated his hand. Bucky ripped away the towel that still clung to him and stood, entering her with one trust before her pleasure finished peaking. 

Ana wrapped her arms and legs around his back. Bucky brought the drenched plates of his hand to her lips. “Be a good girl and clean yourself off of me.”

Ana’s eyes rolled back as she licked her cum from his fingers. The simple act of submission made her spasm around him again. Bucky groaned and kept snapping his hips into her, coating her walls with his cum. 

When their breaths evened, Bucky rolled them so that she was on his chest. When they found a comfortable position, he pulled the discarded blanket over them and stroked her hair as they fell asleep. 

Bucky would need another shower before breakfast.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, lovely people. Sorry this took so long, but I hope the length and the smut scenes made up for it! I have the whole story outlined, but some details are still fluid. Such as...it may just be me, but Steve and Ana are developing a bit of a dd/lg dynamic and I like it. I’m trying to decide whether to keep it an undertone or make it more explicit. I don’t imagine real age play but something more mild (at least in this fic). Anyhow, sound off in the comments if you have a strong opinion either way. Or, you know, just sound off in the comments anyway because my writing time is short these days and comments feed my creativity. :-D
> 
> Russian translations:
> 
> Pozhaluysta | Please
> 
> Pozhaluysta, Yasha. Mogu ya kosnut'sya sebya? YA slyshal, kak ty i ya khochu prikosnut'sya. Pozhaluysta. | Please, Yasha. Can I touch myself? I heard you and I want to touch. Please.
> 
> Khoroshaya devochka. Vy khotite, chtoby ya zastavil vas chuvstvovat' sebya khorosho? | Good girl. You want me to make you feel good?
> 
> Next chapter: Steve decides to surprise Ana and Bucky, but it doesn't go quite how he expects. And...more smut. A new kind...
> 
> Let's hang out on [Tumblr](https://mmjgregory.tumblr.com/)!


	10. Together

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, lovelies. Thanks for sticking around and reading! This is pretty much a fluff and feels fest. Let me know what you think. 
> 
> Be warned: kinky sex ahead. Nothing too crazy yet, but ask if you're concerned.

Steve woke up exhausted and alone. He hadn’t heard anything through the wall even though he spent several stretches of the night listening. There was no use lying to himself. He wanted to know what was happening between Bucky and Ana. 

It was curiosity more than jealousy. He wanted to know what Bucky was thinking, what Ana was saying about their time together. When he realized that they might not be thinking or talking about him at all, he felt strangely empty, then got mad at himself for that reaction. They deserved their time together, one on one, without him. 

So maybe it was a bit of jealousy, but it wasn’t what it had been. He didn’t want Bucky to himself. He wanted to be with both of them. He’d shifted from one form of selfishness to another, but now he didn’t have the comfort of misplaced self-righteousness, so he only felt guilty. 

At best, his newfound desires would confuse the couple on the other side of the wall. At worst, they’d be disgusted. Better never to tell them at all. 

Besides, Ana wasn’t attracted to him. She feared him, had flinched from his touch and thought he’d punish her for being tortured and grief-stricken. They couldn’t form a relationship from that. But she had snuggled against him and sought his touch too. It felt like weeks, not hours since he’d tickled her at breakfast. Her laugh had sounded like hope, fragile and hearty at the same time. 

He’d jumped on Bucky in the shower because he was relieved and giddy to have him back safe and whole. Bucky was home, a temple where Steve worshipped. Loving him was meditation. Touching him was nirvana. When Steve woke still tangled up in Ana with Bucky’s scent hanging in the air, the dam he’d built to contain his arousal broke.

He hadn’t allowed himself to wash Ana’s body or let his eyes linger on her most intimate areas. It wasn’t his usual respectability that kept him diverted, but a thrumming that was building in his core. The more time he spent with Ana, the more devoted he felt. It was like he discovered a new sacred text. He wanted to read every line and memorize every passage, but he already had a religion. Wanting her made him feel like an apostate.

He didn’t need much sleep, but the tossing fits and flip-flopping emotions drained him. Every handful of moments, his perspective changed. 

Bucky would be delighted and open-minded.   
Bucky would hate him.   
Ana wanted him too.   
Ana would do anything to keep her secret.   
Bucky loved two people, so he would understand.   
Bucky had asked him to be kind, not a creeper.   
Ana called him Sir because she felt safe with him.   
Ana called him Sir because he was just another person trying to control her.   
Around and around, his thoughts swerved between war and peace. It was still dark when he woke up for the fourth time. 

Desperate to avoid another spiral of thoughts, he changed into running clothes and headed for the indoor track. He concentrated on the slap of rubber on polished wood and how many laps he completed. The distraction worked well until Natasha walked in.

Her hair was pulled back in a ponytail and she was dressed to run, but when she saw him, she pulled out her earbuds and crossed her arms. “How many miles so far?” she called across the track. Steve ignored the question, knowing that Natasha wouldn’t stop at one. “I know you hear me, Rogers!” 

“Sixteen miles and I’m just getting started,” he said, flashing a smile he hoped she would buy as he ran past. When he came back around, her stare contained venom and her fingertips were tapping an irritated beat on her arm. Steve didn’t stop, but he did jog in place. “What’s wrong? Afraid you can’t keep up?”

When Natasha raised her eyebrow, Steve had no trouble reading the message. She wasn’t Sam. She wouldn’t give in that easily and she was insulted he was even trying. He stopped jogging and went to sit on the bench next to her, grabbing his water so he’d have an excuse not to talk right away.

Half of the bottle was drained when Nat started talking. “You like her. You more than like her.”

“That obvious, huh?” he asked.

“Some people think you’re an open book, but I know you hide a lot. But when it’s something you believe in, something you care about, you can't hide it.”

Just like that, Steve wanted to talk. Natasha always knew what to say to him. “I finally felt like I was getting Bucky back. We were finding each other again, and then she showed up. I always thought I was the best person for Bucky, but now I realize I’ve treated him as badly as I did Ana. I avoided his arm while he tried to accept it. I dismissed his thoughts and doubted what he told me he wanted. Then, I treated someone he loved like a monster. Without Ana, I don’t know if I ever would have realized how much I was isolating him. Bucky should be with her.”

Natasha frowned at him. “Bucky wants you and Ana. You accepted that and figured out how you could be better for Bucky and now you think the solution is taking yourself out of the equation? That doesn’t make any sense, Steve.”

“I thought it would all be ok, but I’ve been fooling myself. Ana’s going to hate me if she doesn’t already, and Buck didn’t ask me to fall in love with her, he asked me to be decent to her. This isn’t what he wants.”

“Bucky may be a sarcastic little shit sometimes, but he isn’t unreasonable. He isn’t cruel. He’s not going to hate you for loving her. He’ll probably be relieved that you can relate. I’m not saying it’s going to be painless, but you can’t do that thing where you try to be the “good guy”. You'll just end up making everyone miserable, yourself included. Ana doesn’t hate you. She isn’t an open book either, but she's not a faker. She could have chosen to stay with someone else while Bucky was gone. Hell, I gave her an out and she still chose you.”

“But,” Steve started to argue.

“No, Steve. You just said that you haven’t been listening to what Bucky says. Now you’re scared and you’re trying to avoid the worst case scenario by not even giving him or Ana a chance to speak for themselves.”

She was right. Of course she was right. “But what do I do? What do I say?”

“Spend time with them. The dynamic is going to be different now. Get to know what the three of you are like as a trio. But don’t wait too long to tell them. Just be honest. Give them time if they need it. Whatever happens, it doesn’t have to be all or nothing.”

*

Steve knocked on Bucky’s bedroom door, balancing a tray full of brunch foods in his arm. He hoped he wasn’t waking them up or interrupting, but they hadn’t come out to breakfast and Steve had been too excited by the plan he made after talking to Natasha to wait any longer.

Bucky opened the door with wet hair and a towel around his waist. Maybe Steve had interrupted. Whatever the explanation, seeing Bucky wet and half naked was enough to get him too stiff for comfort in his tight jeans.

Bucky gave him a warm, happy grin that turned into a ravenous flood of thank yous when he saw the food. When he stepped aside to let him in, Steve saw Ana sitting against the headboard wrapped in sheets with tousled hair and a sleepy smile. Steam and suds and sweat and cum mingled in the air. Thinking of what the two had been up to made Steve’s stomach flutter with nerves and arousal. 

“Thought you two might be hungry,” he said, clearing his throat when he found it dry. “I’ve got something to tell you too. If you’ve got a minute.”

Bucky sat on the bed, pulling the tray Steve had sat down closer to them and gesturing for Steve to sit down too. Ana sipped on a smoothie while Bucky inhaled three egg sandwiches. The blankets shifted around her as she changed position, revealing a raised splotch of red and purple at the curve of her neck. Steve knew she healed faster than he did, and he knew just how fast bruises left his skin. The edges of the stain faded to green and brown as he watched. Steve must have interrupted them. The thought made him gulp. 

“I can come back.”

“But you’re already here,” Ana said, reaching for a grape and exposing another disappearing bruise at the top of her breast. “Don’t leave us now.”

Steve’s heart flapped like a bird leaving the nest for the first time. Would she still feel that way after she knew? “I thought it’d be nice to do something together. I looked up what’s going on this month, and it turns out that band you love is coming to town. The one with the violins and electric guitars.” 

“Perish?!” Bucky said,excited enough to stop eating. “Were you able to get tickets?”

“Well, Jarvis found them, but yeah! We’re going next Saturday night.”

“Steve!” Bucky punched Steve’s bicep with his metal fist, but not hard enough to bruise.

“You guys are going to have so much fun!” Ana said, smiling as she popped another grape in her mouth.

Steve didn’t know what made him more sad, that Ana thought she wasn’t invited or that she didn’t mind that she wasn’t invited. “Ana, I meant all of us together. I bought you a ticket too.”

Ana stopped chewing. After a few seconds, she swallowed what was in her mouth and started stammering. “But. But I haven’t. I don’t. I’m not. Allowed. I can’t….” Tears broke into her eyes as she started curling in on herself. “I can’t. I don’t--” Her breaths became disjointed, quick inhales and exhales that barely left a gap for air.

Steve reached for her, but Bucky was closer. He pulled Ana into his lap and started rocking, stroking through her hair and counting in Russian to help her time her breaths. Steve couldn’t believe his stupidity. Ana had been in captivity since childhood. Besides the night they rescued her from the dungeon, he hadn’t seen Ana outdoors. Had she ever been allowed outside? 

The memory of Ana asking Jarvis what a rainbow was slammed into him. How could he be so stupid? Bucky still had a hard time going out in public sometimes, but Steve hadn’t even considered Ana’s own lack of experience when he bought the tickets. If there was any chance of the three of them having a relationship, of him caring for her as he craved, he would have to better consider her point of view.

Steve slid the tray out of the way so he could sit next to them. He laced his fingers with Ana’s and started to apologize when she didn’t pull away. “I’m so sorry, sweetie. I should have known better. I should have asked. You don’t have to go. I’ll find something else for us all to do. I promise.” He turned to Bucky. “I don’t want you to miss it. Take Nat or Sam. I'll stay with Ana. I’m sorry. I didn’t think this through.”

“No,” Ana said, pulling away from Bucky to shake her head. “No. You two should go together. It’s ok. I can stay alone now.”

Steve put a hand beneath her chin and rubbed her cheek until he saw her eyes relax. “Sweetheart, I already messed up once by not considering your needs when I made this plan. I’m not going to do that again by leaving you without at least one of us.”

Ana nodded and seemed consoled for a moment, just long enough for Steve to notice Bucky looking at him with a new kind of fondness, but then Ana started crying harder. “Dr. Banner said my brain is better at healing. Why can’t I do this? I want to do this. I want to go with you.”

Bucky wrapped her into his arms again. “One step at a time, Ana. Recovery doesn’t happen overnight.”

“But you weren’t there, Yasha,” Ana said, squeezing Steve’s hand for backup. “I’m supposed to be better at this.” Steve explained what Bruce had told them while Bucky was away, his hypothesis about how her brain healed as quickly as her body, allowing her to recover from trauma much easier than anyone else.

Bucky was still taking in the information when Ana shouted, “That’s it!” She popped out of Bucky’s lap and started pacing. “How long until the concert?”

“Eleven days,” Steve answered.

“That’ll be long enough. Like you said, Yasha, one step at a time. I just walk quicker. Come on! Where should I go first?” She started putting on clothes. “I already go on the balcony. What’s next? Let's go into the street!”

Steve and Bucky exchanged a look. Bucky looked ready to argue, so Steve spoke up first. “Lunch crowd is probably getting out about now. Why don’t we go up to the roof? Then, we can visit one of the business floors. Maybe the lobby?”

Bucky nodded. “If you’re comfortable. The concert isn’t a deadline, Ana. There isn’t a deadline at all. It’s ok if you’re never comfortable.”

“I will be though,” Ana said, all confidence. “I heal. That’s what I do.” Something flashed across her face. Steve saw Ana's jaw tighten and her eyes flick to him. Her healing ability could stop scalpels. The least it could do was allow her to go to a concert, right? Once again, her hope was fragile. Steve hoped he could protect it.

*

After the roof, the office floor, the lobby, a short walk, a long walk, a picnic in the park, dinner at a restaurant, grocery shopping, and going to a movie, Ana said she was ready. She confessed she wasn’t completely comfortable, but insisted that with Steve and Bucky at her side, she could handle anything. 

The concert was at an outdoor amphitheater. Stone benches curved around the small stage, strips of grass between each row of seating. There were trees in some of the back rows and a meadow of soft grass and wildflowers surrounding the theater. When they arrived, Steve thought it all looked like it had grown naturally. The grey stones followed the curve of the hill perfectly and the hardwood of the stage was the same color as the nearby trees. Compared to the places they took Ana to prepare for tonight, it was a peaceful oasis. 

People brought chairs and blankets to sit in the open areas while others filled the benches. Steve paid extra so they could sit in a grassy area in front of the stage. They brought what was arguably too many blankets and pillows, but when they finished building their cozy nest, it was just right.

Steve and Bucky were sitting next to each other, legs outstretched and hands spread out behind them. Bucky walked a few of his fingers closer to Steve’s hand so they could touch. Ana was between them, head in Bucky’s lap and feet curled under one of Steve’s legs. 

The last week and a half had been easy. It took Ana five tries to leave the lobby the first time and a full forty-eight hours to recover from grocery shopping, but she’d discovered a new favorite candy at the store and that seemed to make it all worthwhile. 

During one of their walks, they’d witnessed a man berating a little girl who must have been his daughter. It sounded like she’d made some sort of mistake at school and her father was displeased. He didn’t hit her or even yell, but it was clear that the girl was intimidated. Ana watched the pair from the corner of her eye, shrinking into the maintenance doorway of the building they were standing next to. 

Steve had asked her what was wrong, while Bucky seemed stuck between wanting to comfort her and wanting to tell the man to knock it off. Ana didn’t answer, just looked down and shook her head. Her jaw churned as she blinked in anticipation of tears. Steve and Bucky crowded into the doorway with her, and she surprised them both by throwing her arms around Steve’s middle. “Thank you. Thank you for…. Thank you for taking care of me.”

Flutters ran through Steve’s body at her words, but he checked Bucky’s reaction before answering. Bucky smiled and nodded, so Steve let himself hug her back, tight and tender, whispering how happy he was that she let him take care of her. After they left the doorway, Ana grabbed both of their hands for the walk back to the tower.

There’d been a lot of touches after that. Hand holding and neck rubbing, knee grazing and shoulder bumping. Through it all, Bucky smiled. But most of the time, Steve was next to Bucky, stealing kisses both lingering and quick, letting Bucky lay on top of him while they watched tv, pinching the inside of Bucky's thighs the way he liked. He even started holding Bucky’s bionic hand. The first time he reached for it, Bucky flinched and gawked at him, clearly waiting for him to pull back from the cool metal. When he didn’t, Bucky gave him the biggest smile of all.

The night before the concert, they all fell asleep in Bucky’s bed. When Steve woke up less than an hour after they laid down, he tried to sneak out of the bed. It didn’t work since Ana had wrapped herself around him. “Stay,” Ana said, eyes still closed. Steve almost did. He felt lonely leaving them every night. There was little doubt that Ana returned his attraction at this point, though the feelings were another matter. Bucky’s smiles had been encouraging, but Steve still hadn’t told him the whole story. Without Bucky awake to ok him staying, it felt wrong to do so.

“Not tonight, little one,” he said, pulling Ana’s blanket around her shoulders. She made a pouting noise that became a snore by the time he was at the door.

He hadn’t been intimate with Bucky since their shower liason the night he returned from the mission. Going that long without while spending all his time with the two people that turned him on the most was starting to strain his endurance, but he wasn’t willing to mess this up. Bucky could tell he was going bonkers and took the opportunity to push it to another level by finding excuses to call him Cap or Captain several times a day. Steve was going to push him to his knees and make him beg the first chance he got.

Now was not that time. Now, they were in a musical forest hidden in the concrete jungle listening to a band that Bucky loved. Ana was outside, among strangers, and calm.

Bucky mouthed the words to every song. For a band named Perish, the harmonies were gentle and the lyrics soul searching. As the last song ended and the listeners made noise to show their adoration and appreciation, Bucky leaned over and planted a trail of kisses on Steve’s lips and along his jaw. His breath was hot and ticklish in Steve’s ear. “Thank you, Stevie. You’re the best Cap a guy could ask for.” He kissed below Steve’s ear, sucking the skin of his neck for just a moment before sitting up.

Steve took a deep breath to stop himself from pouncing on Bucky, which was exactly the reaction Bucky wanted based on his smirk and the minxy little wink he gave Steve.   
Ana was stretching and rolling to a sit between them. All around, people were doing the same, gathering their belongings and preparing to leave. But then the band came out for an encore and performed a song from their first album. Steve remembered that it was Bucky’s favorite, but even if he hadn’t known, Bucky’s loud whoop as they played the opening notes would have given it away.

“And we’ve got one more surprise for you fine people,” the lead singer announced. “Right...about...now!” A red flare zipped up into the sky far behind him. It climbed higher and Steve could hear its whizzing noise. The red orb burst into dots of red, blue, and white with a bang. Three more fireworks popped beside the first. 

Ana flinched with each colorful explosion. She cupped her hands over her ears as more went off. Bucky pulled one of her hands away and leaned close so she could hear him. “They’re fireworks, Anastasia. They won’t hurt you.” Ana looked at the sky suspiciously. “They’re just pretty to look at, that’s all. We don’t have to stay,” Bucky explained. Ana’s shoulders relaxed as she watched the colors shimmer and disappear, but she kept her ears covered.

Steve reached into one of the bags they brought and pulled out noise-cancelling headphones. He’d brought them in case the music was too loud for her. He inched one of her hands away from her ear and whispered. “Try these, sweetie.” 

Ana looked back at him and quirked an eyebrow at the headphones as he put them on her. “There’s no music,” she said once they were on. She must have realized how muffled her voice sounded as she said it though, because she looked back to the sky then back at Steve, beaming. She didn’t take her eyes off the fireworks after that.

Bucky scooted closer, until his side touched Steve's. “Best Captain ever,” he said, tickling Steve’s ear with his breath again. Steve grabbed Bucky’s neck and pulled him into a kiss. Then another. And one more for good measure. 

*

Ana was hyped on the ride home. “That was amazing! How do they get all of those colors into the sky? Who invented fireworks? Can we go see more fireworks?”

“They light up the sky every year, just for Cap’s birthday,” Bucky said. Steve rolled his eyes, but Bucky just grinned with his tongue between his teeth.

“Is that true?” Ana asked, mouth open in awe.

“No,” Steve said, shooting an irritated glare at Bucky. “They do it for America’s Independence Day, it just so happens that me and America share the same birthday.”

Ana squinted. “Is that why they named you Captain America?”

“Not exactly,” Steve said. 

Bucky was laughing so hard he could barely breathe. “Just so happens I share a birthday with America,” he mocked. “God, Steve, you are such a punk.”

“Better than being a jerk, jerk.” 

Ana giggled too. She shrieked as Steve reached to tickle her, then opened the door and ran for it, laughing all the way. It took Steve a moment to realize the car had stopped and they were back at the tower. He still wasn’t used to Tony’s self-driving vehicles. 

 

By the time he got out, Ana was halfway to the garage elevator. She was no match for Steve’s speed though. She lunged for the button as he caught up. Steve wasn’t expecting the movement and their feet tangled, tripping her. He kept her head from crashing into the concrete wall, but couldn’t keep her knee from coming down hard on the gravel. 

Ana twisted and sat with her back to the wall, revealing a deep cut. “Oh, sweetie. I’m sorry,” Steve said, carefully touching around the edge of the gash. Bucky was already there, kneeling on her other side. 

“It’s all right, Si-. Steve. It’ll heal in a minute,” Ana said, already getting back to her feet.

“Well, I’m not going to risk it getting hurt worse until it’s back to normal,” Steve said. He turned around and bent down a bit. “Go ahead. Hop on.” 

Ana looked confused, but Bucky had it covered. “Piggyback rides are the best. You don’t have to walk and you get to be taller than Steve. If you don’t hop on, I will.” 

Ana figured out what was expected and took a running start to leap on. Steve caught her behind the knees, making sure to avoid the cut, even though it already looked like little more than a scratch. Bucky was about to press the button, but pulled his finger back at the last moment. “Standing in an elevator for a minute hardly counts as a proper piggy back ride,” he said.

“You know, I think you’re right,” Steve agreed.

“Race you to the top!” Bucky yelled, already running for the stairwell.

“Cheater!” Steve shouted back.

“Come and catch me, Cap!” 

Steve did.

By the time they made it up to Bucky’s room, Steve was ever so slightly winded. Ana declared piggyback rides to be the best thing ever and asked if she could have at least one per week. Steve said she could have one anytime she wanted, but revised that to one per day when he saw Bucky’s eyes light up. Even Steve's back had a breaking point. 

They talked and laughed a little while longer, but when Ana yawned, Steve took it as his cue to leave. “Let’s do this again sometime, yeah?” he said, suddenly awkward.

“You’re leaving again?” Ana asked, sounding hurt. 

“I don’t want to intrude,” Steve said.

“How is it intruding if we want you here?” she asked.

Steve bit his lip and looked at Bucky, who stayed quiet, just watching. “I’m worried that if I stay, I’ll do something that you don’t want.”

“Like what?” Ana asked.

Steve sighed. Nat told him not to wait too long. No time like the present. “You and Bucky have a special relationship, and I have a special relationship with Bucky. And I think you and I are starting to have, well, something special too. I don’t want to mess all that up.”

“Why would you staying mess that up?” Ana asked. Bucky was still silent, eyeing Steve with a passiveness that gave away none of his thoughts.

“It might get complicated,” Steve said, struggling for the words despite all the time he’d spent thinking about it.

“Because you want me too, not just Yasha?”

Steve looked at her, searching for any signs of disgust or anger, but there were none. Bucky wasn’t looking at him anymore. Something on the floor had apparently become more interesting. Steve closed his eyes. He wished Bucky would say something. “Yes,” he said, keeping his eyes closed. “I love Bucky. And I love you.” 

That’s it. He said it. There was no taking it back. He waited for Bucky to shout at him for betraying his trust. Instead, he felt small, cold hands frame his face. “I love you too,” Ana said.

Steve’s eyes rushed open. Bucky was sitting just behind Ana, grinning from ear to ear. “About damn time, Cap. I was starting to think we’d have to beat it out of you.”

Steve laughed, hardly believing his luck. He was about to make a joke about the fact that Bucky was in fact the one who liked pain, but then Ana was kissing him. Really kissing him. 

She was softer than Bucky. No scratchy beard or rough lips, but her mouth was just as sweet. He pulled her into his lap and ran his hands everywhere he could reach, across her soft stomach, up her back to grip her shoulders then slide down her arms. He squeezed her hips and thighs, pulling deep moans from her throat. He traced her nipples through her bra and buried his hands in her hair. He kissed her with a skilled tongue and teeth that scraped. And she kissed him back, making their tongues war and delighting every time he overtook her. Steve could get lost in her taste and touch. He could do this forever. But he could do more too. He wanted it all. Like Ana said, he wanted them both.

He moved his lips to Ana’s neck and found Bucky with his ocean blue eyes. He took one hand out of Ana’s hair and tugged Bucky closer with it. Bucky didn’t have to be told twice. 

Steve didn’t know how long they spent exploring each other that way, just kissing and touching. It was long enough to feel bliss. 

Ana was down to nothing more than lacy underwear when Bucky told her to strip him down and swallow his cock. It was legitimately the hottest thing Steve had even seen. His knees felt weak and he wasn’t even standing. 

Bucky groaned as Ana ran a knuckle over the sensitive skin leading to his hole. “You didn’t get permission to do that, did you?” he said, even though he ground into her finger.

Ana put her hands behind her back immediately and disconnected from his cock with a wet pop. “I’m sorry, Yasha.” 

Bucky nodded to show that it was ok and Ana went back down with even more enthusiasm but kept her hands behind her back. 

Steve’s brain popped off like a firework. Bucky wasn’t submissive with her, not that he'd expected that, but still. Even when Steve bottomed with Bucky, he was always the top in the situation. Seeing this side of Bucky was exciting, a little weird, but mostly exciting. Steve reached out and pinched Bucky and heard Ana gag as Bucky's hips thrust up at the dash of pain. Steve bit Bucky’s collarbone and neck. “So,” he whispered in his ear. “If she obeys you and you obey me, does that mean you both do what I say?”

Now was not the time to negotiate kink with Ana, but Steve knew the thought would drive Bucky wild, and he was right. Bucky finished with a gasp Steve watched Ana swallow Bucky's cum, saw the dribble that escaped her mouth. 

Steve licked it from her lips, then hoisted her onto the bed and underneath him. “Our best guy has been a cocktease all week,” he told her. “And he just got off first. Hardly seems fair to me. I think he should spend some time on his knees making me and you happy. Don’t you agree?”

Ana let out a naughty little giggle. She locked eyes with Bucky. She looked back to Steve and nodded. “Yasha’s very good at making me happy.”

“I want to watch him make you happy.” 

Steve laid on his side, slowly stroking himself as he watched Bucky work Ana over. He paid attention to every moan and yelp and stream of Russian. Bucky started slowly, touching Ana all over. He played with her clit until she shuddered, then wiped her cum on her breasts. He dipped three fingers into her and fed her the liquid that coated his fingers. When he went back for more, he slapped her cunt, making her clit flush a darker pink. Steve watched as a bit of cum gushed out of Ana. As soon as it happened, Bucky slapped her across one cheek and then the other. Ana’s knees went up, opening her legs wider. Bucky dove down, licking her until her legs were shaking. Bucky was hard again and lined up to push into her, but was stopped by Steve tutting.

“I think not, Buck. It’s my turn.” 

Bucky had the decency to look abashed as he dropped to his knees. “Sorry, Cap.”

“I’m sure you are,” Steve said, grabbing a fistful of Bucky’s hair and drilling into his mouth. He held Bucky there, counting the seconds until he knew Bucky’s lungs would be on fire and only letting him off at the last moment. Steve used Bucky’s mouth until the man was red-lipped and slobbery, and his cock was weeping. Bucky was good. He didn’t touch without permission.

Ana watched it all with wide, hungry eyes. Steve hauled Bucky up and threw him onto the bed, where Bucky immediately started kissing Ana and rutting against her. Steve allowed it, but only because they hadn’t clarified the rules yet. 

Ana broke away from Bucky’s lips after a moment and looked at Steve. Well, she looked at his cock and then she looked at him. “Yasha,” she said, turning away from Steve again. “Can I take him inside me?” Bucky kissed her again, then said yes. She reached for Steve, who crawled between her legs. 

Steve lined himself up with her and waited for her to nod one more time, then sunk into her warmth. Steve didn’t have any patience or restraint left. She was wet and hot around him. It made his head spin. He went from kissing her to kissing Bucky to kissing and biting her body while Bucky claimed her mouth with his cock again.

When Steve’s balls tightened with a familiar yet totally new pleasure, he pressed him thumb to Ana’s clit and circled her sensitive nub. She clenched around Steve and moaned around Bucky’s cock. 

The next thing Steve knew, the three of them were collapsed in a tangle on the bed. Together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments give me life and encourage quicker updates!


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